Lock him in the punishment module until we reach the Terror Drome.
DR. MINDBENDER
For your information, I intend to use Sergeant Slaughter's DNA to replace Sun-Tzu's in my creation formula.
COBRA COMMANDER
What a mind-boggling brainstorm, Mindbender! Putting the genetic soul of an enemy into the body of our new leader will give us just what we've always needed: a live-in traitor!
COBRA COMMANDER
When you are knee-deep in total catastrophe, remember, I tried to stop you!
DESTRO
Cobra Commander took the news of Sergeant Slaughter's DNA rather good-naturedly.
DR. MINDBENDER
He undoubtedly has something extremely unpleasant up his sleeve. Watch him closely!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS
HAWK
All right, men. What's the bad news?
BEACH HEAD
Twelve percent casualties.
DUKE
None fatal, thank heavens.
BEACH HEAD
Forty percent of our vehicles redlined or destroyed.
DUKE
Flint got dinged up in the last attack. We stopped them from getting Sun-Tzu's DNA, but Cobra captured Sergeant Slaughter.
HAWK
Here are reports from the tombs we didn't know about. A Libyan museum with a relic of Hannibal was raided by Cobra. In Rome, the ashes of Julius Caesar were stolen. Lord knows what Cobra wants with them. Attila the Hun, Eric the Red, Rasputin--dozens more!
HAWK
Cobra may have won some battles, but they're a long way from winning the war. Beach Head, get those volunteers who'd like to take a crack at the Terror Drome on Cobra Island.
BEACH HEAD
Yes, sir!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - SUNRISE
HAWK (V.O.)
Men, your primary goal is to find and rescue Sergeant Slaughter, but it's equally important we learn more about Cobra's DNA experiments!
JOES
Yo Joe!
HAWK
Good luck, and God speed.
EXT. TERROR DROME - NIGHT
DR. MINDBENDER (V.O.)
At long last, the pieces of the genetic puzzle are all nearly in place!
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
DR. MINDBENDER
Position the protoplasm armature.
DR. MINDBENDER
The DNA of history's greatest conquerors has merged with the genetic matrix just as I dreamed it would.
DESTRO
But what of the loss of Sun-Tzu's DNA? What if it initiates a chain reaction of unpredictable mutations?
DR. MINDBENDER
Let the chips fall where they may, Destro. I am replacing Sun-Tzu's DNA with Sergeant Slaughter's.
INT. TERROR DROME - CELL
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) The time has come, dear brother (T) to complete our little experiment (T and X) in Biology One-oh-one.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Better hope this kills me, 'cause if it don't....
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Now to Dr. Mindbender's laboratory (T) while our subject rests for a while.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
He won't wake up for weeks!
INT. TERROR DROME - COMPUTER ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
That man has the constitution of a vending machine!
SCRAP-IRON
Commander, he's trying to open his cell door. I must alert....
COBRA COMMANDER
No! You will do nothing until he escapes and is well on his way. Now I must pay a little call on Dr. Mindbender's laboratory and make sure that things get out of hand.
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
DR. MINDBENDER
Oh, how I've savored the glory of this moment!
DR. MINDBENDER
The last ingredient of my formula has now been interphased with the inert protoplasm.
DR. MINDBENDER
I shall now give it the breath of life.
COBRA COMMANDER
Stop!
DESTRO
Your visit is ill-timed, Cobra Commander!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
Yes. Stand clear.
COBRA COMMANDER
Forgive me for this unseemly intrustion. I came to wish you nothing but success in your historic venture.
DESTRO
Then stand back while the men do the work!
COBRA COMMANDER
Of course. I wouldn't dream of interfering.
DR. MINDBENDER
Replace the containment shroud, Destro.
DR. MINDBENDER
Interlock the biotherm inductor.
DR. MINDBENDER
All is ready. Prepare for vitalization!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) So far I see nothing (T) to get excited about.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Something (T) is happening!
INT. TERROR DROME - CORRIDOR
INT. TERROR DROME - COMPUTER ROOM
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
DESTRO
Sergeant Slaughter has escaped!
COBRA COMMANDER
Quiet. This is far more important.
DR. MINDBENDER
Release clamps and vacuum shroud!
DR. MINDBENDER
Rise, perfect being! Arise and rule!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) You didn't make us an emperor! (T) You made us (T and X) a monster!
DR. MINDBENDER
I know that, you idiots! Get him off me!
DESTRO
Look out!
DESTRO
That monstrosity is totally mindless!
COBRA COMMANDER
As is the quack who created him!
COBRA COMMANDER
I warned you that this experiment was unsound, Dr. Mindbender!
DR. MINDBENDER
My calculations were perfect!
DR. MINDBENDER
I don't understand!
DR. MINDBENDER
Don't let it leave the laboratory!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Don't worry! (T) We have it (T and X) right where it wants us!
COBRA COMMANDER
Time to evacuate the premises.
INT. TERROR DROME - CORRIDOR
COBRA COMMANDER
They'll be destroyed by their own creation, and Cobra will be mine again.
DESTRO
Fire at it, Commander, fire! You have a weapon and do nothing to prevent the creature's escape!
DR. MINDBENDER
If it reaches the surface of Cobra Island, we may never recapture it!
COBRA COMMANDER
Tough luck, Mindbender! That runaway pile of putrid protoplasm is your problem, not mine!
INT. TERROR DROME - STAIRWAY
INT. TERROR DROME - CORRIDOR
COBRA COMMANDER
While you and Mindbender are pursuing your creature, you should ponder the insanity of your entire scheme!
EXT. TERROR DROME - NIGHT
INTERCOM
Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!
COBRA COMMANDER
Vipers, let them chase the creature! It's Sergeant Slaughter I'm after!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Personally, Dr. Mindbender, (T) we say (T and X) let the big, ugly swine go!
DR. MINDBENDER
No! We must find and analyze it! I think we failed because someone contaminated the DNA supply!
CRIMSON GUARD
Look, it's Sgt. Slaughter! Let's fry him!
EXT. COBRA ISLAND - NIGHT
BEACH HEAD
It doesn't figure. We're too low to tickle their radar, but somethin's got the whole stinkin' island on alert.
RIPPER
Say, that's a heavy breeze for this time o' night, eh?
BUZZER
You playin' cards or givin' a bloomin' weather report?
THRASHER
That was a Joe chopper, you brainless twits! After it!
DREADNOKS
Cobra!
LIFT-TICKET
Hostile pursuit ships closin' fast!
MAINFRAME
Dreadnok Swampfires! Keep shootin' and hang on! Yo Joe!
BEACH HEAD
Hold still so we can blast 'em!
LIFT-TICKET
If I hold still, they'll blast us!
RIPPER
Blimey! Pull up! Pull up!
BEACH HEAD
We shook 'em!
ICEBERG
Correction! We shook some of 'em!
MONKEYWRENCH
I think you'll find this highly depressin'!
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
DR. MINDBENDER
Come no further or... Scrap-Iron! What are you doing here?
SCRAP-IRON
I thought you'd like to by proof that it wasn't your fault the experiment failed.
DR. MINDBENDER
I will pay a million gold Serpentines, if the information is useful to me.
SCRAP-IRON
Cobra Commander tainted your DNA mixture with a distillation of mutating virus.
DR. MINDBENDER
Of course! Cobra Commander is the only logical suspect. He has crossed me for the last time. I shall make sure his fate matches that of his virus.
EXT. COBRA ISLAND - NIGHT
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Uh-oh.
VIPER
Think I'm gettin' a life-form reading. Tough to be sure in the jungle...look out!
VIPER
A Joe Tomahawk! Intercept any survivors!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Not if I get there first, fungus brain.
MOTOR VIPER
Yearrghh!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
What the samhill ran into them?
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Not today, Poindexter!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Okay, that does it! Now I'm angry!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
You play like you look--ugly, but sloppy. Real sloppy.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
I've faced some pretty spineless opponents, but this is ridiculous.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) A slight problem with Dr. Mindbender's recipe. (T) The poor creature just came (T and X) unglued.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Yuck! (T) He glopped us! (T and X) After him!
DESTRO
Flight is useless, Sergeant!
DESTRO
No! Look out! Stop him!
SCRAP-IRON
Checkmate.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Okay. The score is creeps one, Slaughter nothin'. But we're goin' into extra innings. Count on it.
LIFT-TICKET
I hate to sound like a party pooper, Beach Head, but we're now one Tomahawk short, and we've got a long way to go.
BEACH HEAD
Bag it, Lift-Ticket. Let's find the Sarge, then worry about how we're gonna get outta here. Come on!
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
DR. MINDBENDER
Keep him down!
DR. MINDBENDER
Quickly, I don't have all day!
DR. MINDBENDER
Well, such indomitability, such spirit! Your DNA's genetic matrix will be guarantee a perfect leader!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Bad idea, Mindbender. You ain't usin' my molecules to fight G. I. Joe.
DR. MINDBENDER
Sergeant Slaughter, your generous contribution is cheerfully accepted.
DR. MINDBENDER
Ah, my cup truly runneth over! BATs, secure him with electro-chains. One can't be too careful.
EXT. COBRA ISLAND - TERROR DROME
LIFT-TICKET
Tough security, Beach Head.
LIFELINE
How we gonna get inside?
BEACH HEAD
No biggie. Go ask if you can use their phone.
LIFELINE
You serious?
BEACH HEAD
Do it!
LIFELINE
Uh, hi guys! What's happenin'? I was wondering if I could, uh, use your phone?
VIPER
Halt! What are you doin' here?
LIFELINE
Well you see, some of your guys shot down our chopper a few miles back, and well, I need to check in with Headquarters.
LIFELINE
Hey, why didn't you tell me you were using me as a decoy for violence?
BEACH HEAD
'Cause I didn't want you to say no.
INT. TERROR DROME
LIFELINE
Something tells me this is not gonna be one of my favorite hangouts.
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
DR. MINDBENDER
Genetic matrix temperature, DNA interface fluid pressure, all perfect. This time there shall be no calamities.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Can't let you use even one molecule of me against G. I. Joe!
DESTRO
Your fate is sealed, Sergeant Slaughter. Just lean back and enjoy it.
DR. MINDBENDER
The readings are even stronger this time! Position the shroud!
DR. MINDBENDER
Gentlemen, I give you the future!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Got to stop 'em...got to! Yo Joe!
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Stop! Have you learned nothing from your previous catastrophe?
COBRA COMMANDER (CONT.)
Do you seriously expect me to permit you to create another Frankenstein nightmare?
COBRA COMMANDER
Scrap-Iron, what are you doing?
SCRAP-IRON
Ensuring Cobra's future...and my own!
COBRA COMMANDER
Betrayed by my own confidant! Dishonored by upstarts! Misfits! What have I done to merit such heinous disrespect?
DESTRO
You have failed, my dear Cobra Commander. Now stand out of the way, or join Sergeant Slaughter in chains!
COBRA COMMANDER
Sergeant Slaughter, look. I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye in the past, but if I let you go, will you help me?
SGT. SLAUGHTER
It's a deal.
COBRA COMMANDER
I'm cutting the power.
SCRAP-IRON
Dr. Mindbender!
DR. MINDBENDER
Now what?
DESTRO
Sergeant Slaughter! He's free! Stop him!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Why don't you (T) just give up, Slaughter, (T and X) and make it easy on yourself?
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Why don't you two maggots go suck eggs!
DR. MINDBENDER
Stop him before he destroys any more DNA!
DR. MINDBENDER
We've lost Sergeant Slaughter's DNA!
DESTRO
What will this do to the genetic matrix?
DR. MINDBENDER
I...I don't know!
XAMOT
You've been a naughty boy, Sergeant Slaughter!
DR. MINDBENDER
Now, now, Destro! Deenergize the apparatus!
DESTRO
You'll have to...handle that...yourself, Dr. Mindbender! Ow!
DR. MINDBENDER
You can never get good help when you need it!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
You dented my hat.
DR. MINDBENDER
The prize that has eluded me is now mine! Arise, most powerful one, arise!
DR. MINDBENDER
I said arise! Arise!
COBRA COMMANDER
You failed again, Fenderbender!
DR. MINDBENDER
I...I don't understand!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Do you understand this, Mindbungler?
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, go ahead, Slaughter! Punch his lights out!
COBRA COMMANDER
What's happening?
INT. TERROR DROME
MAINFRAME
What's that?
BEACH HEAD
I don't know, but it's comin' from down there. Let's check it out!
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
SERPENTOR
Know that I am the one you seek. I am the one born to rule, destined to conquer! Let those who fear me, follow me. Let those who oppose me, die! For I am Serpentor, and this I command!
