Wait 'til we tell Zartan and Cobra Commander how we blasted them Joes!
MONKEYWRENCH
Yeah, was that somethin' or was that somethin'? Shh...kaboom! Blew the blokes right outta the air!
THRASHER
Kinda makes you wonder what we need Zartan and his baby brother and sister for.
BEACH HEAD
Dreadnoks! Grab 'em!
LIFELINE
Hey, Low-Light! Does it ever occur to you there might be an easier way of settling disputes?
LOW-LIGHT
Yeah, Lifeline. It's called a gun!
BEACH HEAD
See anything up ahead, Lift-Ticket?
LIFT-TICKET
Looks like their command center. Pretty heavily guarded, too.
BEACH HEAD
But our only bet for findin' out where they're keepin' Sergeant Slaughter.
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
SERPENTOR
None shall stand against me, neither within Cobra nor without, for I must rule, and this I command!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Command this, buddy!
SERPENTOR
Is that the best my enemies can do?
DESTRO
Hail, Serpentor! Hail, Serpentor!
SERPENTOR
Attend me. I need suitable raiment.
DR. MINDBENDER
So it shall be, O great and powerful one. Here is your uniform and your Air Chariot.
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes.Hail, omnipotent one. Hail to thee in all thy radiant majesty! You've got them eating out of your hand, Serpentor. Of course, you and I know your primary function will be as a figurehead, a sterling symbol of the power and unanimity of Cobra. You'll give them someone to look up to, while I make all the important decisions.
SERPENTOR
Then start by deciding where you want to be buried!
COBRA COMMANDER
Don't be so aggressive! I'm still open to negotiations.
SERPENTOR
There can be no negotiation, you insolent microbe! I am not symbolic! I am your Emperor and master!
COBRA COMMANDER
I...hear and obey, O great Serpentor!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) You had better shut up, (T) Cobra Commander before he (T and X) really gets angry!
SERPENTOR
I have been created with all that I need to know, and the essence of my knowledge is this: I order, you obey and fear me.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Baloney! You talk a good fight, but can you back it up?
SERPENTOR
Do you forget, Sergeant Slaughter, that my first act as a sentient being was to knock you unconscious?
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Beginner's luck. I'd like to see you do that again, Serpentor!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Any slime can give orders when his enemy's chained up!
SERPENTOR
I have had enough of your mockery, Sergeant Slaughter!
SERPENTOR
En guarde!
DR. MINDBENDER
Serpentor should not have given into Sergeant Slaughter's challenge.
DESTRO
Yes. He lacks patience. His genetic matrix has none of Sun-Tzu's DNA.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Let's go, slimeball!
DR. MINDBENDER
No one can punch Serpentor and live! Destroy him!
SERPENTOR
Sergeant Slaughter is mine! This I command!
COBRA COMMANDER
Don't be such a crybaby, Mindbender. If our Emperor is a weakling, we'd better learn about it now. Come on, Slaughter! Kick his fangs in!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Come on, Serpentor! Let's continue this outside!
SERPENTOR
My pleasure!
DESTRO
Follow them!
DR. MINDBENDER
This we don't want to miss!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Dirty pool, Serpentor! No weapons!
SERPENTOR
Sportsmanship is not one of my attributes!
INT. TERROR DROME - CORRIDOR
ZARANA
Zartan, when are we gonna get some action?
ZANDAR
I'm with Zarana. Things are getting too dull around here.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Make way!
DR. MINDBENDER
Look out!
INT. TERROR DROME - COMMAND CENTER
TELE-VIPER
There must be a glitch in the system. It's registering an intruder presence, but there's nobody here.
TELE-VIPER
You! Where are you taking that console?
BEACH HEAD
Right down your throat, maggot! Yo Joe!
JOE GROUP 1
Yo Joe!
JOE GROUP 2
Yo Joe!
TELE-VIPER
Never turn your back on a Viper!
SERPENTOR
Coward! You challenge and then you run away!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Just lookin' for more fightin' room, sucker!
SERPENTOR
No riders allowed!
JOES
Rack him up, Sarge! Way to go! Slaughterize 'im!, etc.
DR. MINDBENDER
Tele-Vipers, Crimson Guards, that is Serpentor, your new leader!
TELE-VIPER
Bury him, your majesty!
TELE-VIPERS
Cobra!
SERPENTOR
Hear that, G. I. Joe? I am worshiped for the monarch I am!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Big fat deal!
DR. MINDBENDER
Fight him! Fight him!
DESTRO
Use the combination, one, two!
SCRAP-IRON
Hey, where's Cobra Commander?
INT. TERROR DROME - BAT STORAGE
COBRA COMMANDER
Good. Now that you're all reprogrammed, Battle Android Troopers, attention!
SCRAP-IRON
Commander, what are you doing?
COBRA COMMANDER
Activating the BATs to destoy Sergeant Slaughter and Serpentor, you traitorous twit. Now stand aside!
SCRAP-IRON
No. I work for Dr. Mindbender now.
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh, really? Maybe this will change your mind. You were saying?
SCRAP-IRON
BATs, you heard Cobra Commander! Annihilate them!
INT. TERROR DROME - COMMAND CENTER
SERPENTOR
Insolent barbarian, you shall pay the ultimate price for your arrogance!
WET-SUIT
Look out, Sarge!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Tele-Vipers, look! (T) They've assaulted (T and X) your Emperor!
TELE-VIPER
None my defile our master. You will pay with your lives!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Uh-oh. Looks like it's gonna get grim.
BEACH HEAD
They're just robots! Aim for their guidance systems!
SERPENTOR
Annihilate the Joes! This I command!
SERPENTOR
And what are these?
DR. MINDBENDER
The BATs! They're attacking our Emperor!
BEACH HEAD
Let's go! Out that hole!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - BRIEFING ROOM
HAWK
Battling an army of super troopers would be bad enough. But what if Cobra also extracted the strategic qualities of these ancient warriors? The existence of such creatures would give Cobra absolute power.
FLINT
General Hawk, that's just a computer projection. What's the possibility that Cobra has actually achieved this?
SGT. SLAUGHTER
One hundred percent!
LADY JAYE
It's Sergeant Slaughter!
FLINT
Great to see you back!
ROADBLOCK
They found him!
LADY JAYE
What happened?
SGT. SLAUGHTER
We've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we destroyed all the DNA Cobra collected.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
The bad news is, Dr. Mindbender built Cobra a new Emperor, capable of conquering the world.
BEACH HEAD
He's smart, savvy, and strong, uglier than sin and meaner than a junkyard dog...no offense, Mutt.
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
VIPERS
Where Serpentor leads, Cobra follows! Cobra!
SERPENTOR
G. I. Joe's very existence offends me. Does it not sicken and offend you?
SERPENTOR
Then why does G. I. Joe continue to exist and defy me?
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Because our beloved Cobra Commander (T) could never defeat America's ultimate defense, (T and X) G. I. Joe.
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh, sure, that's it. Blame me! Never mind your own cowardice and incompetence!
SERPENTOR
Silence, you vociferous little worm! The problem is easily solved.
EXT. COBRA ISLAND - TERROR DROME
SERPENTOR (V.O.)
We shall invade the United States and subjugate G. I. Joe immediately!
EXT. TERROR DROME - BALCONY
SERPENTOR
Do you see how easy it is, Cobra Commander? I command and they obey. A perfect fighting combination.
COBRA COMMANDER
You don't have the experience to lead Cobra, you insufferable egomaniac. You know nothing of our struggle against G. I. Joe! Nothing of our relative strengths, weakness, or strategies!
SERPENTOR
Never hiss at your Emperor. I do not need experience to lead Cobra. I have been created fully sentient, all-knowing, and all-powerful!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) With all due respect, (T) mighty Serpentor, (T and X) we beg you to reconsider. (X) Invasion is easy, (T) but holding US territory (T and X) is all but impossible.
SERPENTOR
For Serpentor, nothing is impossible!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
HAWK
Cobra's been too quiet for too long. We're going to go looking for them, stage a little preemptive strike, before their new leader can....
SERPENTOR
Hear me! I Serpentor have begun the conquest of Washington, D.C., the utter humiliation of the United States, and the total annihilation of G. I. Joe. None that defy me shall live! This I command!
EXT. WASHINGTON - CAPITOL BUILDING
INT. CAPITOL BUILDING - ROTUNDA
EXT. WASHINGTON - WHITE HOUSE
MOTOR VIPERS
Cobra!
INT. WHITE HOUSE
SCRAP-IRON
The President! Where is he?
CHIEF OF STAFF
Tough luck, slime ball. Both he and the Vice President are out of town.
EXT. PENTAGON
BARONESS
They are too well fortified, Destro darling. We'll never take them.
DESTRO
Then we'll simply call in an air strike.
STRATO-VIPER
Air Leader One to Destro, we have the Pentagon dead in our sights.
DESTRO
Use your gas weapons! We want to capture the building intact.
STRATO-VIPER
Affrmative.
VIPER
Cobra!
SCRAP-IRON
Destro, Baroness, bad news! Neither the President nor the Vice President are Washington.
BARONESS
Bad news indeed.
DESTRO
So much for our hopes of a single stunning victory.
EXT. WASHINGTON - LINCOLN MEMORIAL
SERPENTOR
To you, my loyal Vipers, and to you watching this broadcast, look about and know that this city is mine.
VIPERS
Cobra!
SERPENTOR
Bring the senators and congressmen before me!
SERPENTOR
I order you to surrender G. I. Joe and the President to me.
SENATOR
Neither! We will not cooperate with you or your totalitarian regime!
SERPENTOR
You will do as I say, or I shall burn your nation to the ground! This I command!
SENATOR
Very well. We have no choice but to do as you command...for now.
SERPENTOR
See how neatly all obey the commands of a true Emperor?
VIPERS
Serpentor! Serpentor! Serpentor!, etc.
SERPENTOR
Resistance to the rule of Serpentor is no more! The city of Washington now enters a new era in history--the dawn of the thousand-year rule of Cobra! All shall be crushed beneath Serpentor's iron heel!
EXT. WASHINGTON - WASHINGTON MONUMENT
INT. WASHINGTON MONUMENT
COBRA COMMANDER
This is insane! We can't possibly hold Washington, much less the entire United States! I know. I've tried!
SERPENTOR
You tried and failed. Already the President has agreed to surrender.
EXT. WASHINGTON - LINCOLN MEMORIAL
SERPENTOR
Kneel before your master, you pathetic losers. You first, Mr. President! On your knees!
"PRESIDENT"
Very well, your highness.
SERPENTOR
Good, good!
SERPENTOR
Wait, I demanded the surrender of G. I. Joe as well. Where is their representative?
"PRESIDENT"
G. I. Joe? Why...right here!
FLINT
Yo Joe!
SERPENTOR
Bring up our reinforcements from the airport!
SERPENTOR
There are Joes inside! Annihilate them!
LEATHERNECK
Check their Stuns! That's where their firepower is!
WET-SUIT
Yo Joe!
DR. MINDBENDER
BATs, attack!
HAWK
Joes, heads up!
BEACH HEAD
I know how to handle those tin-heads!
DR. MINDBENDER
Oh, no!
COBRA COMMANDER
A thousand-year rule! Hah! Where's your perfect leader now?
DR. MINDBENDER
What do you know about leadership?
COBRA COMMANDER
I know how to fire a laser. You need every hand you can get!
DR. MINDBENDER
For once, Cobra Commander, you are right.
EXT. WASHINGTON - SUNSET
LIFT-TICKET
Lift-Ticket to Slip-Stream. Got some Night Ravens and Firebats tryin' to stop us from makin' our deliveries.
SLIP-STREAM (COMM.)
Hang loose, Lift-Ticket. We're on our way. Yo Joe!
SGT. SLAUGHTER
Have a bath! You guys sure do need it!
SGT. SLAUGHTER [not his normal voice]
Yo Joe! Let's stomp snake!
CROSS-COUNTRY
Yeehaw! You've got it, Sarge!
ZARTAN
Dreadnoks, forward! Destroy the Joe reinforcements, or we're all dead meat!
DREADNOKS
Cobra!
BUZZER
Thrasher, you bloody dingo!
MONKEYWRENCH
Don't leave us!
ZARANA
Cor, blimey, Zartan! The Dreadnoks are checkin' out!
ZARTAN
And this time, they have the right idea! Let Serpentor and his Vipers do the fighting!
SLIP-STREAM
Uh-oh. Night Raven on my tail!
NIGHT RAVEN COMPUTER
Warning. Warning. Fuel exhausted.
SLIP-STREAM
I can't believe it! They're runnin' outta fuel!
SERPENTOR
Destro, Baroness! Why are you retreating? Stand and fight!
DESTRO
We're out of ammunition, my lord! Our air force is out of fuel!
DESTRO
We cannot hold!
SERPENTOR
We still control the river! This way!
SLIP-STREAM
I see snake meat on the Potomac! Yo Joe!
SHIPWRECK
We see 'em, Slip-Stream. Let us take care of 'em!
POLLY
Yo Joe!
SERPENTOR
Our Morays will stem the tide! Follow me! We'll make our stand at the Jefferson Memorial!
HAWK
We're whippin' the scales off 'em on land, sea, and air! Now let's finish the job! Yo Joe!
HAWK
They're through fighitng and on the run!
ROADBLOCK
Let's put the lid on this can of fangs!
DR. MINDBENDER
Serpentor, Serpentor! Our men are retreating! You must be evacuated to safety, my Emperor!
SERPENTOR
Only temporarily, do you hear? Serpentor cannot be vanquished!
SERPENTOR
Come back, cowards! Stand and defend your Emperor!
DR. MINDBENDER
Get aboard! The last fully fueled Night Raven will take you to the Terror Drome and safety.
HAWK
Joes! Cut their escape route!
SERPENTOR
Excellent! Bring me the brave Viper who saved his Emperor's life!
COBRA COMMANDER
Funny how you never know who your friends are, isn't it?
SERPENTOR
The rest of you get aboard. I'll deal with this scum.
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Take me along! I saved you!
SERPENTOR
Never! You will perish here!
COBRA COMMANDER
But who will you blame when your loyal Vipers realize how imperfect you really are? You need me...for, for a scapegoat...my lord.
SERPENTOR
For once you are right. Come along.
HAWK
All right, Cobras, it's over. Get those hands up.
EXT. WASHINGTON - SUNSET
DUKE
Washington's a little battered, but the town still looks pretty good to me.
HAWK
We won a major victory today, but it's not over. Serpentor's one tough cookie, and Cobra forces will follow him to the gates of oblivion.
SGT. SLAUGHTER
We'll have to keep on our toes from now on. 'Cause the price of liberty is always eternal vigilance.
