Excellent. After today, America will be the United States of Cobra!
DUKE
That'll be the day!
DIAL-TONE
Hey, Duke, is the Spy Ear workin'?
DUKE
Perfect, Dial-Tone. For once we're getting advanced warning on one of Cobra's schemes. Ready for Operation Switcheroo?
LADY JAYE
Ready, willing,...
FLINT
...and able.
WILD BILL
[humming "Yellow Rose of Texas"]
LADY JAYE
Spotted the Hydrofoil yet, Wild Bill?
WILD BILL
Yep, she's a moseyin' along right down there.
BARONESS
Blast!
WILD BILL
Just box in that snake, boys. Leave the rest to my electronic brandin' iron.
BARONESS
Die, G. I. Joe!
LADY JAYE
Give up, Baroness! You're our prisoner!
BARONESS
No! You shall never take me alive!
LADY JAYE
She...she did it!
FLINT
She did us a favor! Now we don't have to worry about her escaping and showing up later!
LADY JAYE
Okay, Wild Bill. Disengage!
WILD BILL
Will do, compadres! Yo Joe!
FLINT
I'm zeroing in on Cobra's homing signal!
"BARONESS" (Lady Jaye's voice)
Perfect! So, how's my disguise?
FLINT
Frightening.
EXT. SOUTH AMERICAN COAST - DAY
FLINT
Talk about secret. The homing signal says this is Cobra's base.
"BARONESS" (Lady Jaye's voice)
Yeah. But where is it?
COBRA COMMANDER
Greetings, Baroness. You're right on schedule.
"BARONESS"
Oh, I would not be late for this special day, Cobra Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
But of course, Baroness. Please dock and join us.
INT. COBRA BASE - DOCKS
"BARONESS" (Lady Jaye's voice)
We need an army to crack this place!
FLINT
We don't have an army. Just us.
INT. COBRA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
DESTRO
Welcome, my dear Baroness.
COBRA COMMANDER
You're just in time for my ultimatum to the United States.
"BARONESS"
I would not miss it for the world, Cobra Commander. But first, I must add some data to the mission computer.
DESTRO
See me in my quarters when you are done, Baroness. I have some interesting hand-to-hand combat techniques to show you.
"BARONESS"
Oh, I would get a real kick out of that.
DESTRO
That playful little minx.
COBRA COMMANDER
Destro, stop mooning like a love-struck schoolboy and move out the giant Vortex Cone!
INT. COBRA BASE - DOCKS
INTERCOM
Attention, all personnel! Move out giant Vortex Cone!
INT. COBRA BASE - MISSION COMPUTER
"BARONESS" (Lady Jaye's voice)
Jackpot!
INT. COBRA BASE - DOCKS
COBRA COMMANDER
Your giant vortex cone will finally bring the US to its knees!
DESTRO
I am more pleased that the Baroness is showing interest in me so soon after our argument last night.
COBRA OFFICER[Frank Welker]
Ahoy, Cobra Commander! We caught a spy swimming in!
BARONESS
I am no spy! You bloody fools, I'm the Baroness!
DESTRO
I knew it was too good to be true.
INT. COBRA BASE - DOCKS
COBRA COMMANDER
Not attending our broadcast, Baroness?
"BARONESS"
I...I have things to do.
DESTRO
I think you are finished, Baroness!
"BARONESS"
But, I was just getting ready to go to Undersea Base Delta.
BARONESS
Wrong!
BARONESS
The only place you're going is six feet under!
FLINT
Need a lift, sweetheart?
LADY JAYE
You bet, big boy! Just make it fast!
LADY JAYE
For this I gave up show business?
FLINT
Hold on!
FLINT
Watch out!
DESTRO
An expensive way of dealing with enemies.
COBRA COMMANDER
But satisfying. Oh, so very satisfying.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
This is Cobra Commander with an ultimatum for the United States. Cobra now possesses a weapon that mkaes us invincible.
LEATHERNECK
I'd like to uninvincible you, snake breath.
COBRA COMMANDER
We call our device the Vortex Cone. Observe this little demonstration on the Panama Canal.
COBRA COMMANDER (CONT.)
The cone uses the sea's electromagnetic currents, stirring up huge tidal waves...tsunamis. Only Cobra will be safe, located in the eye of the vortex. Unless the United States surrenders in forty-eight hours, a giant Vortex Cone, one a thousand times more powerful, will destroy the East Coast. Remember, forty-eight hours!
HAWK
Cobra's pretty complacent, but we're gonna lure 'em out by making as much of a ruckus as possible. Wet-Suit, Deep Six, your mission will be to disable the giant Vortex Cone, if we find it in time.
DEEP SIX
How can we find it if we don't know where it is? And how can we disarm it without Flint and Lady Jaye's data?
WET-SUIT
Hey, with a SEAL, nothin' is impossible.
DEEP SIX
Yeah? Try figuring out my income tax.
INT. COBRA BASE - DOCKS
LADY JAYE
Good thing...good thing we jumped before we hit.
FLINT
This is it.
INT. COBRA BASE - LOCKER ROOM
LADY JAYE
All clear.
FLINT
Grab a couple of flight suits and....uh-oh.
GOLDEN SKULL 1
G. I. Joe!
INT. COBRA BASE - DOCKS
FLINT
Remind me to speak to my tailor about this!
WILD WEASEL (COMM.)
Golden Skull One, are you prepared to take off? Repeat, Golden Skull One, are you prepared to take off?
LADY JAYE
That's us. Answer them.
FLINT
Uh, uh, Golden Skull One. Prepared for take-off.
WILD WEASEL (COMM.)
Glad to see you finally woke up. Take off on Runway Zero Five Nine, then join your squadron in flight.
FLINT AND LADY JAYE
Squadron?
WILD WEASEL (COMM.)
Yes. You're supposed to be leading them to Undersea Base Delta!
FLINT
Uh, yeah, sure. Right.
LADY JAYE
Nothing's going right today!
EXT. OCEAN - SUNRISE
GOLDEN SKULL 3
Uh, this is Golden Skull Three to Golden Skull One. Look, we've been flying aimlessly all night. Are you sure you know where we're going?
FLINT
No sense stalling any longer, Lady Jaye. Tighten your seatbelt. It's gonna get a little bumpy.
GOLDEN SKULL 3
What the...!
GOLDEN SKULL 3
Shoot 'em down!
LADY JAYE
Flint, get us out of here! There's too many of them! I can't get them all!
GOLDEN SKULL 3
Bullseye!
FLINT
Not today, fella! Next stop, Joe Headquarters.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
MAINFRAME
Oh! How could you do that to a poor little floppy disk?
LADY JAYE
That's nothing! You should see what Cobra did to me!
HAWK
Can't you just...iron it out or something, Mainframe?
MAINFRAME
I can even starch it. But you won't get any data off it.
DUKE
Well, do something, Mainframe. Time's runnin' out!
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
WILD WEASEL
Wild Weasel to Undersea Base Delta. Nothing in this sector. I'm moving on to... Wait a minute. A task force. A battleship, three cruisers, and six destroyers.
DESTRO (COMM.)
We read you, Wild Weasel. Return to base. We'll send a strike force to intercept the ships.
WET-SUIT
Follow that sucker, Deep Six.
DEEP SIX
SHARC to Joe Headquarters. They took the bait.
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
WILD WEASEL (COMM.)
Wild Weasel to Undersea Base Delta. Open seastrip. Wild Weasel to Undersea Base Delta. Open seastrip.
COBRA COMMANDER
Cobra!
WET-SUIT
Look at 'em! We've got Cobra right where we want 'em!
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
FLINT
Okay, Joes, suit up. Deep Six and Wet-Suit found the Cobra base. We'll provide a diversion while they proceed to the Vortex Cone.
LADY JAYE
Then what are these babies for?
FLINT
Brute strength. If Wet-Suit and Deep Six can't deactivate the Vortex, we wreck it.
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
BARONESS
That egotistical Cobra Commander! The Joes are attacking!
DESTRO
Activate all defenses, especially the Android Troopers.
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER
Excellent. They haven't spotted us. Cobra, attack!
COBRA COMMANDER
Perfect! A great victory for Cobra!
COBRA COMMANDER
Perhaps too perfect. They're fakes! Plywood fakes! We've been suckered! Back to base immediately!
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
FLINT
Look out!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
DESTRO
They can't defeat my Android troopers!
BARONESS
Destro, look! "They" are supposed to be dead!
DESTRO
I'm glad they're not, Baroness. Let me present them as toys for your amusement.
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
FLINT
Open this up and gut it.
LEATHERNECK
Gut it?
LADY JAYE
Like a Trojan horse. It's the only way we'll defy the android attack.
DESTRO (COMM.)
Android troopers, capture the two leaders, annihilate the rest!
FLINT
Lady Jaye!
FLINT
Let her go, tin man!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
DESTRO
You see, Baroness? Anything your heart desires.
BARONESS
How, unique, Destro. The last survivors of America's elite force!
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
WET-SUIT
Deep Six, I'm goin' in after the Vortex Cone.
DEEP SIX
Good luck, buddy.
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - SECURITY STATION
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - VORTEX CONE
WET-SUIT
I wish I'd taken Nefarious Physics One-oh-One.
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
BARONESS
The last of the Joes have finally awakened.
FLINT
It only takes two to....
DESTRO
Such bravado, especially for two people who are about to become octopus chow!
LADY JAYE
I swear I'll never eat sushi again!
BARONESS
What happened?
DESTRO
There's no way out of there. When the octopus revives....
COBRA COMMANDER
What is going on here?
DESTRO
While you were chasing phantoms, we were beating off a Joe attack.
COBRA COMMANDER
Is the Vortex Cone safe?
DESTRO
See for yourself, Commander. My android troopers boiled the Joes alive.
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
LIFELINE
These Joes need hospital care.
LEATHERNECK
We stay put 'til Flint signals us!
LIFELINE
Don't shout! I'm not deaf!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - OCTOPUS DEN
FLINT
Feeding platform. Looks like it's bolted from the outside.
DR. MINDBENDER
When I'm finished with you, you'll wish the octopus never let you go. Move!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - CORRIDOR
FLINT
I know an exit cue when I see one!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - SECURITY STATION
COBRA
Hey!
FLINT
You don't wanna do that!
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
LIFELINE
We're low on oxygen, Leatherneck.
LEATHERNECK
Pick some up at the supermarket.
LIFELINE
It's serious! What are we gonna do?
LEATHERNECK.
Ah, no sense waitin' any longer. Let's pay Cobra a little friendly visit. Come on, lugs! You wanna live forever? Yo Joe!
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
DESTRO
What? Impossible! Joe forces are breaching our defenses!
BARONESS
Destro! Cobra Commander! Someone is sabotaging the Vortex Cone!
DESTRO
The fool is tampering with the back-up system! He won't stop the cone from destroying the East Coast.
COBRA COMMANDER
If they think they can stop me, they're sadly mistaken! I'll show them the power of Cobra!
DESTRO
No, Cobra Commander! We must secure the base first!
COBRA COMMANDER
If we wait, we fail!
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - VORTEX CONE
WET-SUIT
Looks like time is runing out.
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - SECURITY STATION
FLINT
Hawk, Duke, come in!
HAWK
Have you disabled the cone yet, Flint?
FLINT
No. Has Mainframe made any headway on the disk?
DUKE
Negative.
FLINT
We'll stay, Duke, until Mainframe reads that disk.
LADY JAYE
If he doesn't read it before the deadline, send in heavy bombers.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
MAINFRAME
This...might...do it!
HAWK
Might?
MAINFRAME
You see, the disk was too warped to run through a regular drive. So I had to hook up a free-floating head to....
DUKE
Can it, Mainframe! Give us an answer! Every second counts!
MAINFRAME
Here goes.
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - UNDERWATER CORRIDOR
SHIPWRECK
What the...ah!
SHIPWRECK
Let go, you overgrown calculator!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - SECURITY STATION
DUKE
I'm transmitting the info to shut down the Vortex. But you gotta be careful.
FLINT
Careful?
FLINT
How did you do that?
LADY JAYE
Trade secret. I'll tell you about it over dinner tonight. There it is.
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - VORTEX CONE
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Wet-Suit, you're at the wrong access panel. Move forty yards starboard.
WET-SUIT
Now she tells me!
WET-SUIT
Here goes nothin'!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
DESTRO
No! He's found the correct access panel!
COBRA COMMANDER
The cone is going to explode!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - SECURITY STATION
FLINT
The base is flooding!
FLINT
Leatherneck!
LEATHERNECK
We thought those androids poached you!
LADY JAYE
We're too hard-boiled for that!
FLINT
Get everybody to the surface!
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
INT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
Prepare to escape!
EXT. UNDERSEA BASE DELTA
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
LADY JAYE
Well, not a bad haul for two days' work.
FLINT
Yeah, but the three biggest snakes escaped again.
LIFELINE
Gang way! Emergency! I've gotta cut an arm off Shipwreck!
FLINT AND LADY JAYE
What?
LADY JAYE
Is he...is he gonna be okay, Lifeline?
LIFELINE
Okay? Sure, he'll be okay...once I get this android arm off his leg.
