The British Museum is now closed. Thank you for your visit.
EXT. LONDON - NIGHT
INT. BRITISH MUSEUM
SECURITY GUARD
Stop in your tracks!
SECURITY GUARD
Halt or we'll fire!
EXT. LONDON - NIGHT
REPORTER (V.O.) [B. J. Ward]
And in today's lead story, Scotland Yard ponders last night's curious theft at the British Museum. Stolen was an ancient Egyptian tablet dating back to the Old Kingdom.
EXT. ANTARCTICA BASE - DAY
REPORTER (V.O., CONT.)
The clever thief who disguised himself as a mummy remains at large, his identity as mysterious as his motive.
INT. ANTARCTICA BASE - LAB
REPORTER (V.O., CONT.)
Why would a thief pass up valuable jewels, to steal an artifact of worth only to scholars?
SCIENTIST #1 [Gregg Berger?]
Maybe he was a scholar.
FIREFLY
I have provided darkness for your sake, not mine. To know my identity is to ensure your doom.
SCIENTIST #2 [Frank Welker]
W-w-what do you want?
FIREFLY
Quiet!
FIREFLY
Ah, disgusting!
FIREFLY
It was recently reported that you discovered a specimen of the rare jackal's bane root under the ice.
SCIENTIST #1
We'll take you to it. Just lay off with the pistol.
FIREFLY
Remember, keep your eyes from my face! If I even suspect you have seen me....
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Flint, sounds like we've got a covert S.O.S. from Antarctica base.
EXT JOE HEADQUARTERS. - ROOF
FLINT
Deploy Snow Job and Frostbite.
EXT. ANTARCTICA - DAY
SCIENTIST #2
The jackal's bane specimen was found down here, but the area's frozen over since then.
SNOW JOB
Surrender, now!
SNOW JOB
Snow Job to Frostbite, he lost me!
FROSTBITE
Not me! I know exactly where he is!
FROSTBITE
Wherever he was, he's on ice now.
FROSTBITE
A Trubble Bubble?
SNOW JOB
Affirmative! It's Cobra again!
SNOW JOB
That snake just got away in a submarine!
EXT. ANTARCTICA BASE - DAY
INT. ANTARCTICA BASE - LAB
SCIENTIST #2
Years of research, ruined!
SNOW JOB
Well, at least he missed the coffee pot.
FROSTBITE
Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is? We're polar troops! We had a Dragonfly and a Snow Cat, and one lone Cobra creep got away from us.
SCIENTIST #1
Well, not clean away. While he was using our lab as a shooting range, he hit this canister of marking dye.
FROSTBITE
What's it for?
SCIENTIST #2
It's a mildly radioactive substance we use for tracking whale and penguin migration.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
LADY JAYE
Which one of Cobra's snakes could it have been?
FLINT
That's easy. Firefly. None of the others would've taken such great pains to conceal his identity.
LADY JAYE
Aren't we clever. Then tell me this: why did Cobra want the jackal's bane?
FLINT
That's not so easy.
BREAKER
Flint, I've got a fix on the sub. It's headed for Madagascar.
FLINT
But I think I know where to find out.
LADY JAYE
Madagascar.
EXT. MADAGASCAR - COAST
SHIPWRECK
I'd bet my bottom dollar they're hidin' in Pirate's Cove. It's been a smuggler's hideout for centuries.
FLINT
How do you know so much about hideouts?
POLLY
Shipwreck's a crook! A crook1
EXT. MADAGASCAR - PIRATE'S COVE
INT. COBRA HIDEOUT - LAB
COBRA SCIENTIST [Arthur Burghardt?]
Mix two parts jackal's bane with crushed swamp moss.
COBRA COMMANDER
Greetings, Firefly.
FIREFLY
Do not use my name.
COBRA COMMANDER
Do you have the jackal's bane?
FIREFLY
Right here. I expect payment in my Swiss account immediately.
COBRA COMMANDER
What is that? What's that noise?
COBRA OFFICER [Arthur Burghardt]
The Geiger counter, Commander. He's brought in something radioactive.
FIREFLY
That's impossible!
COBRA OFFICER
It's tracking paint.
COBRA COMMANDER
You have been followed! Clear the lab immediately! Prepare for attack!
EXT. MADAGASCAR - PIRATE'S COVE
INT. COBRA HIDEOUT
FLINT
We're almost home free!
FLINT
They're gonna blow this place! Come on!
INT. COBRA HIDEOUT - LAB
LADY JAYE
The stolen tablet. So the British Museum theft is connected to the jackal's bane.
FLINT
Let's get outta here.
COBRA COMMANDER
Let me show you the quickest exit.
EXT. MADAGASCAR - PIRATE'S COVE
LADY JAYE
Flint, where are you?
FLINT
I can't swim and hold this thing at the same time!
LADY JAYE
Try! I need time to translate it!
LADY JAYE
"For the woman in need of love, this potion will sting...at the man's heart like a cobra's sting."
LADY JAYE
Wait, there's more!
FLINT
Sorry. It was either the tablet or me.
LADY JAYE
Must've been a tough choice. It was the formula for a love potion. One whiff, and a man would fall in love with the woman who wore it.
FLINT
You're kidding.
LADY JAYE
I'd like to have some of the stuff.
FLINT
You don't need it.
LADY JAYE
Turn off the charm, Flint. You're liable to attract a whale.
FLINT
Very funny. The question is, who does Cobra want to attract to whom?
LADY JAYE
I'll bet you anything the Baroness is involved in this.
EXT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY
DESTRO (V.O.)
We lost the tablet due to Firefly's incompetence!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE
COBRA COMMANDER
Who cares about the tablet? We have Eau de Cobra, and with it, no man alive will be able to resist the Baroness.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
BREAKER (V.O.)
Short-Fuze, I'm patchin' Flint into you. He has some questions.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AUXILLIARY CONTROL
SHORT-FUZE
Yeah? Put him through.
EXT. MADAGASCAR - PUBLIC PHONE
FLINT
Short-Fuze, I need to pick your brain.
SHORT-FUZE (PHONE)
Yeah? What do you want to blow up?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AUXILLIARY CONTROL
FLINT
Who's the wealthiest bachelor in the world?
SHORT-FUZE
Oh, I'd know that. The shipping tycoon, Socrates Airtes.
SHORT-FUZE
Hey, he's even lookin' for a wife. Havin' a party on his yacht this weekend.
SHORT-FUZE
Flint, hello?
EXT. MADAGASCAR - PUBLIC PHONE
LADY JAYE
Well, now we can guess what they're up to.
FLINT
Sure. Airtes falls in love with the Baroness, and Cobra gets control of the largest shipping fleet in the world.
EXT. YACHT - UNDERWATER
SOCRATES AIRTES (O.C.) [Michael Bell]
So good to meet you, Duchess.
DUCHESS (O.C.)
And you, Mr. Airtes. Your yacht is simply divine.
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
FLINT
This is the last time I come to a party uninvited.
FLINT
Come on. In there.
FLINT
After you, my dear.
LADY JAYE
Why, thank you, Flint.
FLINT
My pleasure, Lady Jaye. Deep Six, we are on the yacht. Wait below, just in case.
EXT. YACHT - UNDERWATER
DEEP SIX (O.C.)
You got it, Flint. Better down here than up there.
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
BARONESS
Good evening, Mr. Airtes.
AIRTES
Lovely to meet you.
AIRTES
Really lovely. Shall we dance?
BARONESS
How can I refuse?
EXT. COBRA SHIP - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER
It seems the Baroness is doing quite well. Airtes looks enraptured.
DESTRO
How would you know?
COBRA COMMANDER
Ah, Destro! We are touchy tonight.
DESTRO
And with good reason. Two of the Joes have infiltrated the ship.
COBRA COMMANDER
What?
COBRA COMMANDER
Cobra undercover, two Joe agents on the promenade deck walkway. Dispose of them!
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
LADY JAYE
Now that we're here, what are we going to do?
FLINT
Simple. Get the perfume from the Baroness.
LADY JAYE
How are we going to do that?
FLINT
That's...more complicated.
UNDERCOVER AGENTS
Cobra!
LADY JAYE
Have a nice trip!
LADY JAYE
Is my hair okay?
FLINT
Even Cobra can't ruin your looks.
EXT. COBRA SHIP - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER
Morons! I have morons on my payroll!
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
AIRTES
I feel as if a void has been filled in my life. Baroness, will you....
FLINT
Pardon me. Mind if I cut in?
AIRTES
I guess not.
FLINT
Darling, it's been so long.
EXT. COBRA SHIP - NIGHT
DESTRO
This mission has taken a most disastrous turn.
COBRA COMMANDER
You underestimate the Baroness. Or perhaps you fear Flint's charm.
DESTRO
Don't be ridiculous! However, I do wish to monitor this mission first-hand.
COBRA COMMANDER
You stay here. You will only hinder our agents.
DESTRO
Do not try to stop me.
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
FLINT
Enjoy the dance, Baroness. Because afterwards, you will be exposed for what you are.
BARONESS
No, Flint. You have made a mistake. For even you are not immune to Eau de Cobra.
BARONESS
Don't I...look different to you now? You wouldn't want me to fail at my mission, would you?
FLINT
I want whatever will make you happiest.
LADY JAYE
Hello, Mr. Airtes. I've looked forward to meeting you.
BARONESS
Do something for me, Flint.
FLINT
Anything.
BARONESS
Dispose of that pesky woman who arrived with you.
FLINT
Of course.
LADY JAYE
Hello. Earth to Mr. Airtes. Come in, Socrates.
DESTRO
If you think you can take what is mine, you are dangerously mistaken!
FLINT
Buzz off, tin face!
DESTRO
This has been your last mission, Joe!
DESTRO
Your mission and your life end here and now, fool!
AIRTES
What is going on here?
BUTLER
I believe two men are fighting, sir. Isn't it part of the entertainment?
AIRTES
Certainly not! Have them ejected.
EXT. COBRA SHIP - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER
Destro, you fool!
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
DESTRO
I have never before left a party in such a disgraceful manner!
FLINT
Neither have I. I feel kinda foolish...about the Baroness. She's yours if you want her.
DESTRO
I think not. That woman is nothing but trouble.
BARONESS
We'll take up this matter later, Destro darling!
BARONESS
Oh, such excitement! I must lie down for a while.
AIRTES
Come to my cabin. We can be alone.
LADY JAYE
Let me hold your purse.
BARONESS
Give that back!
LADY JAYE
Okay. I just wanted to help out.
LADY JAYE
Socrates, why don't we dance while the Baroness rests?
AIRTES
No, I will escort her... On second thought, perhaps it would be best to let her rest quietly.
LADY JAYE
Excuse me.
PARTYGOER #1
It's something in the perfume, I'm sure of it.
PARTYGOER #2
Let's get it!
EXT. COBRA SHIP - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER
Incompetence! My plan is going up in smoke!
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
Baroness, scrub your mission. Bring the perfume to me.
PARTYGOERS
Choose me, Mr. Airtes! I love you madly! You and I were meant for each other!, etc.
BARONESS
Commander, the perfume has fallen overboard. Send divers.
LADY JAYE
Lady Jaye to Deep Six. The perfume's headed your way. Intercept it.
EXT. YACHT - UNDERWATER
DEEP SIX
Will do.
DEEP SIX
There it is.
DEEP SIX
I'm under fire! I'm gonna need reinforcements!
EXT. YACHT - NIGHT
CARGO PLANE PILOT (COMM.)
We hear you, Deep Six.
EXT. YACHT - UNDERWATER
EXT. COBRA SHIP - NIGHT
DESTRO
Throw me a rope, Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
Why should I, Destro? Your jealousy jeopardized our mission!
DESTRO
If you care to remain afloat, you will throw a rope immediately!
COBRA COMMANDER
Of course, Destro! Welcome aboard!
EXT. YACHT - UNDERWATER
DEEP SIX
Direct hit! I'm punching out!
COBRA (COMM.)
The perfume is within our grasp, Commander!
JOE DIVER
Yo Joe!
JOE DIVER
They're about to get the perfume, and they've got us dancin'!
