Just what do you have going on here, Dr. Mindbender?
DR. MINDBENDER
Patience, my dear Commander. You shall see.
VICTIM
No, no!
ZARANA
Cor, blimey! Did you see that?
OLD WOMAN
I'm young and beautiful!
DR. MINDBENDER
That concludes our computer simulation.
COBRA COMMANDER
Very interesting, Dr. Mindbender.
BARONESS
Yes, that is quite a demonstration, Doctor.
ZARANA
But why waste our time if it doesn't really exist?
DR. MINDBENDER
Au contraire! Madame Vail, internationally famous cosmetic tycoon, has perfected the facial transfer machine.
COBRA COMMANDER
Why should we care about some babbling senile woman's fantasy?
SERPENTOR
Because I will it! I must possess this process! Its value to Cobra is limitless.
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, I could lead an assault force. We'll break in and steal it.
DR. MINDBENDER
No need for any undue heroism, Cobra Commander. She will share her secret for a price. I draw your attention to Operation High Fashion.
DR. MINDBENDER
Madame Vail needs an abundance of beautiful young women to keep her operation going. She will exchange her secret for the most beautiful faces in the world.
BARONESS
And we will supply the faces.
EXT. CITY - DAY
UNA MCBRIDE
Dial-Tone, darling! Don't carry so many magazines at once.
DIAL-TONE
Sorry, Una. It's not every day I help a famous fashion model move.
I don't like this neighborhood. Full of punks and crazies.
UNA
Don't worry about me, Low-Light. Your little sister knows all about punks and crazies.
SATIN
Yes, she grew up with you, didn't she?
INT. APARTMENT
UNA
What's that? It's a letter, Satin, with our names on it. Somebody must've slipped it under the door.
SATIN
I can't believe it!
UNA
This is too good to be true!
LOW-LIGHT
Let me see that.
LOW-LIGHT (reading)
"Dear Una and Satin, Glamour Girls Magazine seeks most beautiful and exciting new celebrities as models. Photo sessions tomorrow." Sounds bogus to me.
SATIN
Like, how could you be so totally uncool, Low-Light?
UNA
Only everybody knows Glamour Girls is the most famous fashion magazine in the world! Only everybody!
LOW-LIGHT
Still don't like it.
UNA
Well, Satin and I are doing it, Low-Light, and that is that.
EXT. CITY - GLAMOUR GIRLS BUILDING
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS STUDIO
RIPPER
Watch it, Buzzer! The bloody thing's falling!
ZARTAN
Be careful with the equipment, you bumbling fools! The whole operation hinges on it.
TORCH
What's this all about, Zartan?
ZARTAN
Here, let me show you. We send subliminal hypnotic suggestions through the camera's flash.
TORCH
Uh, how do I look, boss?
ZARTAN
Great, just great!
ZARTAN
How do you feel, Torch?
TORCH
Oh, great! Just great, Zartan!
ZARTAN
Good. Then you won't mind working through lunch, and letting me have your share of the booty.
TORCH
Sure thing, mate. I'll get right to it.
RIPPER
Cor! Has he lost his mind?
ZARTAN
No. He's merely hypnotized, just as our celebrities will be when we....
BARONESS
...take their pictures. Then they shall willingly be transported to Madam Vail's tropical island.
BUZZER
Hope they don't mind losing a little face.
ZARANA
What? Still not set up? The first celebrities will be here before you know it!
ZARTAN
Zarana, you take over. The Baroness and I must tend to some other matters.
ZARANA
I'll get some work outta these shiftless bums if it's the last thing I do!
EXT. TROPICAL ISLAND - DAY
EXT. MADAM VAIL'S LAB
MADAM VAIL [Mary McDonald-Lewis]
How is the work coming, Dr. Mindbender?
DR. MINDBENDER
Wonderfully, Madam Vail. The transference machine will work like a charm.
MADAM VAIL
Of course it will. I've invested a fortune to perfect it, just as I invested a fortune to perfect me. Don't you find me attractive, Doctor?
DR. MINDBENDER
You're absolutely ravishing.
MADAM VAIL
Liar! I'm old and ugly and repulsive! But I own a machine that can restore me, Dr. Mindbender. And Cobra shall not have it unless you fulfill your bargain. No young beauties, no machine.
DR. MINDBENDER
Madam Vail, look at these photos. These celebrities are invited to be glamour girls. You shall pick the cream of the crop for your operation.
MADAM VAIL
Perfect. Beauty is so often wasted on the young.
EXT. CITY - DAY
LOW-LIGHT
Una, cut it out! You're...you're makin' Dial-Tone sick!
UNA
Oh, come on, Low-Light. Satin and I don't want to be late for our appointment at Glamour Girls.
SATIN
You don't mind the drive, do you, Dial-Tone?
DIAL-TONE
I, uh, guess not.
EXT. CITY - GLAMOUR GIRLS BUILDING
LOW-LIGHT
We'll hang around and drive you home.
UNA
Low-Light, this session could take hours! I'm a big girl, you know.
LOW-LIGHT
But....
UNA
Don't wait. I'll call later.
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS STUDIO
"FRANCO"
Wonderful! Marvelous!
"NATASHA"
Aren't they simply divine, Franco, darling!
"FRANCO"
/need spelling of this word (Mentetromont?)/ Superb!
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS STUDIO - DRESSING ROOM
"NATASHA"
Now, there is just one more thing, darlings. We are going to give you instructions, and you will follow them. Do you understand.
SATIN
Sure!
UNA
'Course!
EXT. CITY - GLAMOUR GIRLS BUILDING
LOW-LIGHT
About time you finished.
DIAL-TONE
Hey, where are you gals going?
UNA
We're invited to a party.
LOW-LIGHT
Y'ain't finished movin' yet!
UNA
Ciao!
LOW-LIGHT
Women.
DIAL-TONE
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS STUDIO - DRESSING ROOM
ZARTAN
Let's hope they're prompt. The hypnotic suggestion wears off exactly at midnight.
INT. BALLROOM
SATIN
Can you believe our luck? I could just die! Fabulous! I feel just like Cinderella!
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
UNA
I think you spoke too soon.
SATIN
Una, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - SHOOTING RANGE
ROADBLOCK
Give it a break, my man!
BEACH HEAD
Blast it, Low-Light! Those were supposed to last all week!
SHIPWRECK
Hey, Low-Light! Phone call! Dial-Tone wants to talk to you. Says it's important.
LOW-LIGHT
Yo, Dial-Tone.
SPLIT SCREEN WITH INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
DIAL-TONE
Yeah, Low-Light, I got Robin, Una's agent, on the line. She wants to talk to you.
LOW-LIGHT
Yeah?
TRIPLE SPLIT WITH INT. ROBIN'S OFFICE
ROBIN [Morgan Lofting?]
Your sister hasn't made a session in three days! Where are you hiding her?
LOW-LIGHT
Don't ask me. You're her agent.
INT. ROBIN'S OFFICE
ROBIN
I've got a dozen art directors screaming at me! You helped her move. Where did she say she was going?
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - SHOOTING RANGE
LOW-LIGHT
She didn't. Haven't seen her since she moved.
INT. ROBIN'S OFFICE
ROBIN
Well, she and half the celebrity models in this town must be taking a powder. I can't get anybody on the phone!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - SHOOTING RANGE
LOW-LIGHT
You got me, didn't you?
INT. ROBIN'S OFFICE
ROBIN
Yes, but I don't think you'd look too good in a string bikini!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SPLIT SCREEN WITH EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - SHOOTING RANGE
LOW-LIGHT (PHONE)
Dial-Tone, meet me at Mainframe's computer lab.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMPUTER LAB
MAINFRAME
Now let me get this straight. You want me to check all these magazines and give you the names of every model working in this town?
LOW-LIGHT
That's right.
MAINFRAME
But that'll take weeks!
LOW-LIGHT
Do it, now!
MAINFRAME
Sure, pal.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - FLINT'S OFFICE
FLINT
What's this?
LOW-LIGHT
Just the darnedest mystery I ever laid eyes on.
DIAL-TONE
See, Low-Light and I helped his sister move into her new apartment.
FLINT
Yes. I've been meaning to talk to you about the unauthorized use of an AWE Striker.
LOW-LIGHT
Flint, listen to Dial-Tone! He's got something important!
FLINT
All right, Dial-Tone. It's all yours.
DIAL-TONE
Anyway, she and Satin got this invitation to pose for a fashion magazine called Glamour Girls.
MAINFRAME
Now Una and Satin have disappeared, along with these other celebrities.
DIAL-TONE
Model Candy Huntly, singer Sherry Eastman, actress Tara Dawset, and model Carol Leagues just disappeared today.
FLINT
Sounds like a job for the police, not G. I. Joe.
LOW-LIGHT
Check out that mag. Look who owns Glamour Girls.
FLINT
Extensive Enterprises.
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - DUNGEON
UNA
You copied my dress!
MODEL
Your dress!
SATIN
Oh, typical models! Some creep locks us in a dungeon and they argue about fashion!
DR. MINDBENDER
Are the subjects satisfactory?
MADAM VAIL
That one there. Una. I like her. She has spirit. See that she's the first one in the transference machine.
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS OFFICE
"NATASHA"
Now who could that be?
"NATASHA"
Yes. May I help you darlings?
"ALANNA"
Yeah, like I'm, y'know, Alanna, and this is, you know, Tatannia.
"TATANNIA"
Hi.
"NATASHA"
But there must be some mistake.
"ALANNA":
I don't think so. Robin from the agency told us to come over as soon as we finished our Fashion World Magazine shoot.
"NATASHA"
Uh, let me talk to Franco for a moment.
"ALANNA" (in Cover Girl's voice)
Natasha is faking. Fashion World Magazine went out of existence years ago.
"TATANNIA" (in Lady Jaye's voice)
Let's check the files.
"TATANNIA" (in Lady Jaye's voice)
Look at this! Pictures of the missing girls, including Low-Light's sister!
"ALANNA" (in Cover Girl's voice)
Someone's coming.
"FRANCO"
Bonjour, ladies. Natasha tells me there is some confusion over your appointment.
"ALANNA"
Like, y'know, if it's a major hassle, we can...
"FRANCO"
Tut-tut. No hassle, as you American so charmingly say. As a matter of fact, you're both just the type for a job I'm photographing right now.
EXT. CITY - GLAMOUR GIRLS BUILDING
"FRANCO" (COMM.)
Se magnifique! Truly, you are two of the most beautiful models I have ever photographed! Perfect! Wonderful!
LOW-LIGHT
Baloney.
DIAL-TONE
Well, at least Cover Girl and Lady Jaye are okay. The bug I planted in Lady Jaye's purse is picking up some strange electronic signal.
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS STUDIO
"FRANCO"
Hold it right there. Perfect! Good. Keep moving. Marvelous. Beautiful! Lovely! Wonderful!
"FRANCO"
Perfect. Just what I needed. And now, Natasha will show you out.
"NATASHA"
But remember, darlings, the party tonight. We insist on seeing you.
"ALANNA"
Oh, like right!
"TATANNIA"
Wouldn't miss it for the world! Bye.
EXT. CITY - GLAMOUR GIRLS BUILDING
LOW-LIGHT
Hey, you took your own sweet time.
LADY JAYE
Sorry, Low-Light. It's clean. Just a regular photography studio.
DIAL-TONE
Hey, don't you wanna ride with us?
COVER GIRL
Thanks, Dial-Tone, but we've got a party to go to!
DIAL-TONE
Holy! That's what Una and Satin said before they disappeared.
EXT. CITY - DAY
LOW-LIGHT
Lift-Ticket, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl are under some kind of hypnotic suggestion.
LIFT-TICKET
Relax, Low-Light. I'm followin' the tracer Lady Jaye has in her purse.
INT. GLAMOUR GIRLS STUDIO
ZARANA
All right, you bleedin' dingos, put your backs into it!
MONKEYWRENCH
Hey, mates, what say we make Zarana take orders from us, eh?
RIPPER
Fire away, mate.
MONKEYWRENCH
Look at the birdie!
ZARANA
That's delicate equipment, Monkeybrain!
RIPPER
Say cheese!
ZARANA
Stop takin' me bloomin' picture!
ZARANA
Now, you bums, are you gonna work, or do I have to slap you around some more?
RIPPER
Oh, now, you aint' gonna hurt us, are you, Zarana?
ZARANA
Why, why no. I'd never hurt you chaps.
RIPPER
Psst. Here, boys. Let's have some fun.
MONKEYWRENCH
Ain't you got someplace to be? Hmm?
ZARANA
Oh, you're right! I've got a party to go to!
RIPPER
The magic of photography!
EXT. DOCKS - NIGHT
FLINT
There they go.
DIAL-TONE
What kind of party could they be having on a tugboat?
FLINT
Exactly.
DIAL-TONE
A Cobra Moray!
COBRA [Dick Gautier?]
Come on, ladies. Mustn't keep Madam Vail waitin'.
ZARANA
Hey! Wait up! You can't leave without me!
DIAL-TONE
It's Zarana! What's this all about?
LOW-LIGHT
Who cares? Let's shake 'em down!
JOES
Yo Joe!
MOTOR VIPER
Cobra!
FLINT
Cobra Stuns! Scatter! Find some cover!
FLINT
Looks like we're trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea!
LOW-LIGHT
Let's see how you do in the dark!
FLINT
Watch it!
EXT. TROPICAL ISLAND - MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND
TORCH
Who's gonna tell the boss about Zarana?
RIPPER
Don't worry! Just treat it like a joke!
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND
ZARTAN
You what?
TORCH
We just meant it as a joke, gov'nor. Honest!
ZARTAN
You blasted fools!
DR. MINDBENDER
What is it, Zartan?
ZARTAN
Those morons, the Dreadnoks, hypnotized Zarana and sent her to Madam Vail!
DR. MINDBENDER
Ah, yes, Zarana. What a pleasant surprise! Madam Vail likes her face very, very much!
ZARTAN
Set her free! I demand it!
DR. MINDBENDER
Oh, no, Zartan. The transference machine is far more important than mere family ties.
DR. MINDBENDER (COMM.)
Ta-ta. Nice talking to you, Zartan.
INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION - CELL
"VIPER"
All right, you're relieved. I'm taking over now.
VIPER
But I need authorization from Cobra Commander.
"VIPER"
There he is. Ask him.
FLINT
So much for team spirit.
LOW-LIGHT
Zartan!
ZARTAN
Yes, and I'll release you under one condition: you rescue my sister Zarana.
LOW-LIGHT
Look, Joes don't argue with Cobra.
ZARTAN
This time you must. Your sister and mine are in great danger.
LOW-LIGHT
Where?
ZARTAN
Madam Vail's island retreat. I'm risking my life by providing you with weapons and a Moray.
ZARTAN
Save Zarana!
LOW-LIGHT
This is for Una.
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - DUNGEON
DR. MINDBENDER
Madam Vail wants Una first.
UNA
Get him, girls!
UNA
Let go of me!
DR. MINDBENDER
To the transference machine with her!
VIPER
That will be quite enough, ladies.
LADY JAYE
I think they've won this one, girls.
EXT. DOCKS - DAY
JOES
Yo Joe!
VIPER
Hey!
FLINT
Let's get going!
VIPERS
Cobra!
DIAL-TONE
We've got company!
FLINT
Vipers. They're always fun.
LOW-LIGHT
Oh boy! Target practice!
FLINT
Good shooting!
LOW-LIGHT
Just get us to Madam Vail's island!
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - DUNGEON
LADY JAYE
Hurry up! Una's in a lot of trouble!
TARA DAWSET
I'm trying! It's always so easy in my movies!
EXT. MADAM VAIL'S LAB
UNA
Let me out of here!
MADAM VAIL
Activate the transference machine!
DR. MINDBENDER
Yes, Madam.
DR. MINDBENDER
It's not working!
MADAM VAIL
I must have her face! Try it again!
MADAM VAIL
What happened?
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - DUNGEON
LADY JAYE
Good work, Tara! You shorted out the entire electrical system!
TARA
Just like in one of my pictures! Gee!
ZARANA
Let me out!
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - CORRIDOR
LADY JAYE
Uh-oh. Better hurry!
EXT. MADAM VAIL'S LAB
DR. MINDBENDER
Alert the Vipers! The celebrities have escaped!
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - CORRIDOR
DR. MINDBENDER (COMM.)
No weapons! We want them unharmed!
COVER GIRL
You heard Dr. Mindbender, boys. He said not to harm us.
LADY JAYE
Unfortunately, though, we can harm you!
LADY JAYE
And now for everyone's favorite, move number eight!
LADY JAYE
Want me to show you move number seven?
EXT. TROPICAL ISLAND - MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND
VIPER
You got here just in time! The women are escaping!
VIPER
Hey, you're not.... Uh-oh.
FLINT
Okay, let's find the girls!
INT. MADAM VAIL'S COMPOUND - CORRIDOR
JOES
Yo Joe!
DIAL-TONE
Unbelievable!
LADY JAYE
Nice of you guys to drop in.
FLINT
Well, uh, glad you ladies are on our side.
LOW-LIGHT
All right, reptile. Una--where is she?
VIPER [Michael Bell]
In...in the lab!
DIAL-TONE
Low-Light, wait!
EXT. MADAM VAIL'S LAB
MADAM VAIL
Hurry! Put me through the transference before the Joes get here! Pull the lever now!
MADAM VAIL
The transference! Do it now!
LOW-LIGHT
Here's one for Lady Jaye!
LOW-LIGHT
Una, are you all right?
UNA
Yes.
UNA
Cooper, look out!
MADAM VAIL
Now! Do it now!
LOW-LIGHT
Una! Shield your eyes!
MAINFRAME
Dial-Tone, get some light!
LOW-LIGHT
Una, Una, are you okay?
UNA
I...I think so.
LOW-LIGHT
Where's Mindbender?
MAINFRAME
I think somebody slipped by in the dark. I guess.... Good Lord!
