Come on, slowpoke. The sooner we get finished, the sooner we can check out that new club.
WET-SUIT
I don't think they'll let you in, Leatherneck, with that IQ minimum at the door.
BEACH HEAD
You'd get to that club a lot quicker with more work and less talk.
DR. MULLANEY [Michael Bell]
Mainframe, I need your computer programming expertise to see if there's a solution to my problem.
MAINFRAME
Happy to help, Dr. Mullaney. Dial-Tone and I have been wondering what you were up to for weeks.
DR. MULLANEY
If you're going to help me, it's high time you found out about my nitrogen fuel project. Keep your eye on the turbine.
DR. MULLANEY
I'm working on a jet engine that'll run off the nitrogen in the air.
MAINFRAME
That's virtually limitless fuel. We can kiss the old fuel crisis goodbye.
DR. MULLANEY
Not quite. Observe.
MAINFRAME
What's happening?
MAINFRAME
That's hot!
DR. MULLANEY
Yes. The engine modification now runs too hot. Changes the nitrogen into a corrosive byproduct.
MAINFRAME
Talk about your Big Bang theories.
EXT. PHONE BOOTH - SUNSET
DIAL-TONE
Guys, I've only known Holly a short while. Uh, Holly? This is Dial-Tone. Say, there's a new club opening in town and a couple of my friends wondered if you know anybody who... Uh, yeah. They're Joes, too.
DIAL-TONE
Hey, guys, tonight we party!
LEATHERNECK AND WET-SUIT
All right!
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR - NIGHT
HOLLY
Wow! I saw them building this place, but I never dreamed it would be finished this soon!
CINDY
Just shows what big, strong men can do with a little encouragement.
WET-SUIT
Ain't it the truth, Leatherneck? Ain't it the truth?
MADELINE
Hey, ain't you gonna help me down?
LEATHERNECK
No.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
[for lyrics to the song in the background, see the lyrics page.]
HOLLY
Going to this club is the most excitement I've had in weeks!
DIAL-TONE
Nice video system. What kind is it?
EMPLOYEE
Don't ask me. I just started workin' here today. In fact, this is everybody's first day.
WET-SUIT
That's odd, Cindy. Usually a club's staff is hired well in advance.
CINDY
Oh, who cares? Let's dance.
LEATHERNECK
Where are the video games? I wanna shoot somethin'.
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
SERPENTOR
Dance, fools, dance. It's time you learned Cobra calls the tune.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
SERPENTOR
Welcome to the Club Open Air.
LEATHERNECK
Serpentor!
SERPENTOR
It's so nice of all of you to have fallen into my trap.
DIAL-TONE
Come on, let's get the girls outta here fast!
SERPENTOR
No use trying to escape. I've sealed all the exits. Why don't you all sit back and relax while I take you on a little trip into...outer space?
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR - NIGHT
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
We're liftin' off!
LEATHERNECK
Tell me something I don't know!
EXT. MULLANEY'S LAB - NIGHT
INT. MULLANEY'S LAB
CROSS-COUNTRY
Now that's somethin' y'all don't see every day.
EXT. MULLANEY'S LAB - NIGHT
DR. MULLANEY
I say, General Hawk, isn't that the new club your men were so eager to go to?
MAINFRAME
But that's impossible!
DR. MULLANEY
Possible or not, it's heading for Earth's upper atmosphere.
INT. MULLANEY'S LAB
HAWK
One guess who's behind this.
SERPENTOR
Behold, the might of Cobra!
MAINFRAME
Surprise, surprise, surprise.
HAWK
I suppose I'd be hopelessly naïve to demand you return that club to Earth.
SERPENTOR
No, not naïve, merely stupid. However, we will return them and your men in return for Dr. Mullaney.
HAWK
Forget it! You'll never get your slimy hands on Dr. Mullaney!
SERPENTOR
Then those on board are doomed. I've wired the club's exterior with plastic explosives. I single twitch of my thumb, and they all die a horrible, screaming death.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
EMPLOYEE
We're all gonna die!
EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
Everybody, grab somethin' that's bolted to the floor!
MADELINE
Save me, Leatherneck!
LEATHERNECK
Madeline, I ain't bolted down!
DIAL-TONE
Our best bet is to contact the base. I'll rig up a communicator using the club's video control console.
DIAL-TONE
This should patch us through to Mainframe's computer set-up.
DIAL-TONE
Dial-Tone to Mainframe, come in, Mainframe. Any chance of getting a rendezvous ship up here to rescue us?
MAINFRAME
We're workin' on it, Dial-Tone. But Cobra's got the club wired with explosives.
WET-SUIT
I can deactivate the charges from up here.
INT. MULLANEY'S LAB
HAWK
No, too risky, Wet-Suit. You might set 'em off. Besides, space is a vacuum.
WET-SUIT
General, I can hold my breath more than four minutes. That's plenty of time to do the job. Besides, it's better than just waitin'.
SERPENTOR
I am quickly losing patience.
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
SERPENTOR
If you do not agree to turn Dr. Mullaney over to Cobra immediately, I will blow up the club! This I command! Five...four...three...two...one....
DR. MULLANEY
Stop! I will...I will surrender to Cobra.
INT. MULLANEY'S LAB
HAWK
No! Look what you're doing, man!
DR. MULLANEY
I am! It's not just your men up there, General Hawk, but dozens of civilians, too. There's no other way to save their lives.
SERPENTOR
I knew you'd see things my way.
HAWK
G. I. Joe does not give in to terrorists, Serpentor?
SERPENTOR
Oh? Brave talk for a man standing on the ground. Dr. Mullaney, I accept your surrender. You will travel to the Terror Drome alone.
DR. MULLANEY
I'm sorry, General Hawk, but I just couldn't.
HAWK
I understand. But the Joe Team will stage a rescue long before you have to meet Serpentor.
EXT. VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE - DAY
OFFICER [Ed Gilbert?]
Welcome to Vandenberg Air Force Base, gentlemen. Your bird is primed and ready to go.
SLIP-STREAM
All right!
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
DR. MINDBENDER
Baroness reports Joe activity at Vandenberg Air Force Base, O mighty Serpentor.
SERPENTOR
So they're trying to bluff me. They don't believe I'll blow up the club.
DR. MINDBENDER
Somewhat true, your majesty. If you blow up the club, you have no way of blackmailing the Joes. But if you don't....
SERPENTOR
They'll save their friends and brand me a fool and a liar. No, Dr. Mindbender, it shall not be. Summon the Dreadnoks! This I command!
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
We have enough oxygen trapped in here to last twenty-four hours.
LEATHERNECK
I don't trust Serpentor. It's just not his style to let us go.
MAINFRAME
That's the bargain. Dr. Mullaney for your safe return.
WET-SUIT
Who says he's gonna live up to his end of the bargain? I say we go ahead with our plans to deactivate the explosives outside the ship.
HAWK
Then do it. We just received word the Dreadnoks shot down the rescue mission we were going to launch. Whatever you do, be careful.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
This paste Holly made should give us an airtight seal.
LEATHERNECK
If it don't, we're all gonna be suckin' vacuum.
CINDY
Are you sure this is going to work, Wet-Suit?
WET-SUIT
I can hold my breath for four minutes. I'll be able to endure space easily--if I can find a helmet, that is.
HOLLY
This should do, Wet-Suit.
LEATHERNECK
What's that for, Dial-Tone?
DIAL-TONE
You might say it's named for a friend of ours. A lifeline.
WET-SUIT
Don't tape it up now. Wait 'til I'm ready to go outside.
DIAL-TONE
Here. Take these.
WET-SUIT
Um, no thanks, Dial-Tone. I'm not thirsty.
DIAL-TONE
Ha ha. Very funny. I mean, use 'em for rocket propellant outside.
DIAL-TONE
Like that!
DIAL-TONE
The garbage bags will protect your arms and legs, Wet-Suit. We'll maintain radio contact with this transmitter.
WET-SUIT
A perfect fit. Let's get goin'.
DIAL-TONE
Soon as you finish, we'll reel you in.
WET-SUIT
Check. Let's move. I've only got four minutes of air in this thing.
DIAL-TONE
Here goes nothin'.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
Gonna be a piece of cake.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
LEATHERNECK
Don't worry. Wet-Suit can take care of himself.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
One down. Just need a few more minutes.
DIAL-TONE (COMM.)
Wet-Suit, you haven't got a few more minutes!
WET-SUIT
I'm workin' as fast as I can.
EXT. MULLANEY'S LAB - DAY
BEACH HEAD
I never thought I'd see the day we'd let a Cobra jet fly over us unchallenged.
HAWK
Neither did I, Beach Head.
HAWK
Dr. Mullaney, I wish you'd reconsider.
DR. MULLANEY
I, I know, General Hawk. But I committed myself. I can't risk those innocent lives.
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
SERPENTOR
Welcome, Dr. Mullaney. I have waited a long time. Too long.
EXT. MULLANEY'S LAB - DAY
SERPENTOR
Work is to begin on your nitrogen engine immediately.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
He's been out there too long!
LEATHERNECK
Wet-Suit knows what he's doin'. He'll signal us when he's ready.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE (COMM.)
Wet-Suit!
WET-SUIT
Right here, Dial-Tone. Almost finished.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
It's been over four minutes. You've gotta get back in here for air immediately.
WET-SUIT (COMM.)
Not...until the explosives...are taken care of.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
I'm...almost...just a little...just a....
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
Wet-Suit! Come in, Wet-Suit!
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
SERPENTOR
At long last, Dr. Mullaney is on his way back to Cobra.
DR. MINDBENDER
But what about our part of the bargain? You promised to return the night club to Earth.
SERPENTOR
Oh, I will. But not in one piece!
SERPENTOR
The Club Open Air will explode in sixty seconds, destroying all aboard! This I command!
INT. MULLANEY'S LAB
MAINFRAME
Now what's goin' on?
MAINFRAME
Oh, no! Serpentor's activated the club's destruct mechanism!
MAINFRAME
Mainframe to Dial-Tone! Come in, Dial-Tone! Urgent!
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
MAINFRAME
Big trouble! Serpentor's activated the detonator! You've got less than sixty seconds to disarm the explosives!
DIAL-TONE
Then Wet-Suit's our only hope!
LEATHERNECK
And he's out of oxygen!
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE (COMM.)
Wet-Suit! You've got less than sixty seconds before the ship explodes! Wet-Suit, can you hear me? Come in, please!
DIAL-TONE (COMM.)
Come in, Wet-Suit, come in!
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
He must've blacked out!
LEATHERNECK
Then it's up to me! I'm goin' out after him!
DIAL-TONE
No time for that!
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE (O.C.)
I'm reeling him in.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
CINDY
Won't budge!
HOLLY
Air pressure! It's a vacuum in there!
DIAL-TONE
Pull!
WET-SUIT
One left. There's one....
LEATHERNECK
/line missing/
DIAL-TONE
Leatherneck, no! He's got no radio and no safety line. There's no way to save him if something goes wrong.
MADELINE
What's he doin'?
DIAL-TONE
He's tryin' to reach the last explosives, Madeline. He's only got a few seconds.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
SERPENTOR
Five seconds to detonation...four...three...two...one....what?
DR. MINDBENDER
Nothing happened.
SERPENTOR
I can see that, you idiot!
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
Congrats, Leatherneck! You did it!
LEATHERNECK
Now all we gotta do is figure a way down from here.
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
SERPENTOR
Finally. You will begin work immediately on adapting Cobra's jet engines for your new process.
DR. MULLANEY
But....
SERPENTOR
No buts! I want results!
DR. MULLANEY
Oh, you'll get results.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE
Any new ideas on rescuing us?
MAINFRAME
We're gonna radio up Dr. Mullaney's nitrogen fuel information.
LEATHERNECK
Excuse me if I sound like a total lamebrain....
WET-SUIT
You're excused, lamebrain.
LEATHERNECK
...but ain't Dr. Mullaney's formula sorta dangerous?
HAWK
Extremely dangerous.
MAINFRAME
But this way you can convert the ship's engines to run on the air inside the club. The one catch is, if you miscalculate, the ship could still blow sky-high.
LEATHERNECK
Wonderful. Come on, Wet-Suit. Looks like we're headed back outside to work on the engines.
EXT. COBRA ISLAND - TERROR DROME
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
SERPENTOR
Work faster, Dr. Mullaney. By later this afternoon I want ten Cobra Firebats running on nitrogen fuel. This I command!
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
LEATHERNECK
I sure hope Dr. Mullaney's modifications work.
WET-SUIT
You're not the only one, Leatherneck.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
HOLLY
Need any help, Dial-Tone?
DIAL-TONE
Yeah. Make sure everybody stands clear of the pump. When the time comes, we don't want anything clogging the air running to our refitted engines.
HOLLY
We've got to save enough for our trip back to Earth.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
DIAL-TONE (COMM.)
How's it coming, Leatherneck?
LEATHERNECK
Yep. Just another few screws to tighten and we should be on our way.
WET-SUIT
Those are bolts, dummy.
LEATHERNECK
Nuts, bolts, screws, who cares?
WET-SUIT
Not gyrenes. They still use monkeywrenches as hammers.
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
LEATHERNECK
That's about as funny as a screen door on a submarine. Come on, let's get this bucket movin'.
DIAL-TONE
The moment of truth.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
MAINFRAME
Radio confirmation received, Hawk.
HAWK
Let's get some Conquests to rendezvous with the club, just in case Cobra tries something!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
HAWK (COMM.)
Hawk to Slip-Stream, come in Slip-Stream!
SLIP-STREAM
I read you, Hawk.
HAWK (COMM.)
I need you and your squad to rendezvous with the night club as it heads back to Earth.
SLIP-STREAM
We're on our way!
SLIP-STREAM
Yo Joe!
INT. TERROR DROME - THRONE ROOM
SERPENTOR
It's not possible! The club was not designed to return to Earth!
EXT. TERROR DROME - AIRFIELD
SERPENTOR (COMM.)
Attention, attention, all personnel involved in the nitrogen fuel tests are to take off immediately! You'll intercept the spaceship that is returning to Earth!
AVAC
You heard Serpentor. Let's go!
DR. MULLANEY
But I need to stay and work.
AVAC
I want you there for some fast answers if anything goes wrong, comprende?
EXT. EARTH - UPPER ATMOSPHERE
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
MADELINE
Oh, my hero!
LEATHERNECK
Which way to the airlock? Please!
EXT. EARTH - UPPER ATMOSPHERE
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
EMPLOYEE
Look! Cobra jets! We're all gonna die!
DIAL-TONE
Seems like we've got some company.
LEATHERNECK
Too much company. Cobra Firebats.
WET-SUIT
Our boys've got a fight on their hands.
EXT. CLUB OPEN AIR
SLIP-STREAM (O.C.)
Yo Joe!
SLIP-STREAM
A little too close, but now it's our turn!
SLIP-STREAM
Huh? I didn't even fire at it!
SLIP-STREAM
Well, one down, three to go.
SLIP-STREAM
I think I'm gonna like this!
SLIP-STREAM
Looks like it's time to lose altitude.
AVAC
What's goin' on, sabotage?
DR. MULLANEY
No. Just human greed. I'd land if I were you, real fast!
SLIP-STREAM
Best fireworks display I've seen since the Fourth of July! Just one more Firebat to go.
SLIP-STREAM
Seems like the last plane got cold feet. The sucker's landing!
EXT. GRASSLANDS - DAY
SLIP-STREAM
If you wanna stay in one piece, don't make any sudden moves!
DR. MULLANEY
Don't shoot!
SLIP-STREAM
Dr. Mullaney, well, great work! How'd you do it?
DR. MULLANEY
In his impatience to get my secret, Serpentor didn't ask if it worked!
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
WET-SUIT
Everybody, hold on tight! The ship's comin' down!
EXT. GRASSLANDS - DAY
INT. CLUB OPEN AIR
EXT. GRASSLANDS - DAY
SLIP-STREAM
Welcome back to Earth.
DIAL-TONE
You said it!
HOLLY
Dial-Tone, honey, remember when I told you we never had any excitement when we went out? Well, forget I said that!
CINDY
Say, big fella. Think some evening we might pick up where we left off...before we got interrupted?
WET-SUIT
Affirmative!
MADELINE
Oh, gee, Leatherneck. You're a hero!
LEATHERNECK
Why me? Why me?
EXT. MULLANEY'S LAB - DAY
HAWK (V.O.)
In a way, your nitrogen fuel experiments are a huge success, Dr. Mullaney.
INT. MULLANEY'S LAB - DAY
HAWK
It's just too bad we had to share your discovery with Cobra.
DR. MULLANEY
I know. They might perfect the problem before I do.
MAINFRAME
I wouldn't say that. Remember the computer virus they created for their Cobrathon a few months back? Well, before Dr. Mullaney left, I slipped the virus into his computer disks. When they try to read 'em, kablooey!
INT. TERROR DROME - LAB
SERPENTOR
I don't believe it! He escaped again!
DR. MINDBENDER
But at least this time we've got his information. We will begin creating a fleet of aircraft with the new engine designs immediately.
