Holyoke, Massachusetts! Breaker to all units! Code Red!
LADY JAYE
How could they have built that thing without our satellites picking it up?
FLINT
Good question. Ask it again after we nail 'em. Breaker, scramble all available Joes on the double!
JOES
Yo Joe!
EXT. WATCHDOG - SUNRISE
FLINT
Flint to Joe Team, don't wait for the welcoming committee. Let 'em know we're here!
LADY JAYE
Well, it wouldn't have been much of a wait anyway.
LADY JAYE
Ace, care to accompany me into hostile territory?
ACE
Blow in my headphones and I'll follow you anywhere, Lady Jaye.
FLINT
Open fire!
FLINT
Flight Pods dead ahead! Take evasive action!
BAZOOKA
One down, fifty to go!
ACE
Like shootin' fish in a barrel, Lady Jaye.
FLINT
We've got 'em on the run! Let's knock on their front door!
BAZOOKA
Yo...Joe?
WATCHDOG
Simulation terminated. Defense system disengaged. Access permitted.
FLINT
Simulation?
BAZOOKA
Where'd they go?
FLINT
We're about to find out.
LADY JAYE
Follow me, guys! We're going in through the attic!
INT. WATCHDOG - GROUND ENTRANCE
BAZOOKA
Hello?
FLINT
Shh. They could be anywhere. Come on.
INT. WATCHDOG - CONTROL ROOM
BAZOOKA
Nobody here. How come?
LADY JAYE
No troops on the upper levels either, Flint.
FLINT
Radio Colonel Sharp. I want the Pentagon in on this now.
COL. SHARP
We're already in on it, Flint. The Defense Department built this unit. It's code named Watchdog and it's the world's most advanced computer system. You were its first test under fire.
LADY JAYE
That's why our satellites never spotted it. It wasn't encoded as hostile. But the Cobra troops?
COL. SHARP
Computer generated images. Holograms.
BAZOOKA
Holo-who?
FLINT
But sir, I still don't understand. What's the point?
COL. SHARP
Well, uh, Watchdog is the team's new, uh, commander, Flint. Its designer, Dr. Hamler, will explain more fully.
DR. HAMLER [Stan Jones]
Good morning. Direct your attention to the monitor, please.
DR. HAMLER
Watchdog is far more than a computer, its communication and reconnaissance network continually scanning every square inch of the globe and beyond. Every member of the Joe Team will be issued one of these communicators. With it you'll be able to receive orders directly from Watchdog.
FLINT
We're supposed to take orders from a pile of silicon chips?
COL. SHARP
I, uh, told you the Joes would resist the idea, Doctor.
DR. HAMLER
Perhaps they need a demonstration.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
WATCHDOG
Have located yacht Cerebus in Indian Ocean. Cobra Commander and Destro aboard.
FLINT
All right, give me a rundown on our forces in that area.
BREAKER
Not much point, Flint. Watchdog already ordered the USS Flagg to attack.
EXT. INDIAN OCEAN - USS FLAGG
ADM. LEDGER
Dragonfly Squadron cleared for takeoff.
ADM. LEDGER
SHARCs cleared for takeoff.
SHIPWRECK
Anybody spot our fish yet?
ACE
Visual contact established, Shipwreck. Hustle those SHARCs. We're gonna need 'em.
SHIPWRECK
Ha, ha, she's sittin' like a rubber duck in a bathtub.
SHIPWRECK
Let's scuttle her!
SHIPWRECK
So, she's a rubber duck armed to the bill! My mistake.
ACE
Those are the breaks, sailor. It's up to us flyboys now.
COBRA #1
Get below!
COBRA #2
Look out!
ACE
She's goin' down!
INT. USS FLAGG - BRIDGE
ADM. LEDGER
Well done, men. Get back on the double. Watchdog already has some new targets for us.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
Admiral Ledger, this is Flint. We've been monitoring the battle. Any sign of Cobra Commander or Destro? They were supposed to be aboard the Cerebus.
INT. USS FLAGG - BRIDGE
ADM. LEDGER
Shipwreck, did you hear Flint's question?
EXT. INDIAN OCEAN - DAY
SHIPWRECK
Loud and clear. Flint!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
Shipwreck, what's wrong?
EXT. INDIAN OCEAN - UNDERWATER
SHIPWRECK
It's the Cerebus, Flint! She's gone!
SHIPWRECK
Flint, this is the spot where the Cerebus went down, and there's no sign of her. No survivors, no casualties, no nothin'.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
She's gotta be there, Flint. The current couldn't drag her off this fast.
FLINT
Okay. Head back to the carrier, Shipwreck. We'll, uh, feed the problem to Watchdog.
EXT. INDIAN OCEAN - UNDERWATER
WATCHDOG
This is Watchdog. Analyzing.
SHIPWRECK
Sounds like the dog fed himself.
WATCHDOG
Analysis complete. Cerebus covered by sediment at ocean floor. CPO Delgado, return to USS Flagg at once.
SHIPWRECK
Sediment, my left barnacle!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
Back to the Flagg, Shipwreck. You heard the computer.
EXT. INDIAN OCEAN - UNDERWATER
SHIPWRECK
Yeah, yeah. I heard.
WATCHDOG
Attention. Sensors indicate Delgado has evacuated craft. Action is unauthorized. Return to....
FLINT (COMM.)
Shipwreck, what happened?
SHIPWRECK
Why, beats me, Flint. Computer error, maybe. I'll check. Over and out.
SHIPWRECK
Okay, now where'd that tub go?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
Shipwreck? Shipwreck!
BREAKER
It's no use, Flint. Dang fool shut off his radio.
WATCHDOG
Attention. Cobra unit located, Florida Everglades. Personnel: Flint, Gung-Ho. Seek and destroy.
FLINT
Guess I've got my orders. Let me know if Shipwreck turns up anything on the Cerebus.
BREAKER
Yes, sir!
EXT. OCEAN - UNDERSEA BASE
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
I know! I know! Even the financing!
DESTRO (V.O.)
You agree, then, Commander. It becomes easier to defeat G. I. Joe when the US Government foots part of the bill.
INT. UNDERSEA BASE
DESTRO
Reserve some of your glee for the operation's final phase, Commander: the destruction of Joe Headquarters by the Pit Viper.
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes! When can I see it in action?
DESTRO
Soon, Commander. Very soon.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SCARLETT
Breaker, where is everybody?
BREAKER
Watchdog's got the Joes movin' all over the world lookin' for Cobra. Only they're not findin' anything.
EXT. FLORIDA EVERGLADES
FLINT
This is what we've slogged through two hundred miles of swamp for? One crusty FANG copter abandoned since the Early Pleistocene!
BAZOOKA
Watchdog goofed, huh?
FLINT
Flint to Breaker, patch me through to Watchdog right this minute!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Use your Watchdog box, Flint. You've got a direct link, remember?
EXT. FLORIDA EVERGLADES
FLINT
Yeah. I remember. Watchdog, we found your Cobra unit. It's a condo for garter snakes!
WATCHDOG
Ninety-nine percent probability, Cobra troops in your sector. Resume search. Watchdog out.
FLINT
Uh-huh. Out to lunch. Breaker, Flint. Has anyone else had better luck?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Uh, they're starting to report in now, Flint. I'll let you know.
EXT. DESERT - SANDSTORM
HEAVY METAL
Heavy Metal to Breaker. Cobra HISS dead ahead. We're goin' in.
HEAVY METAL
Got any kids, Breaker? Watchdog find 'em a dandy sandbox.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - SNOWSTORM
LADY JAYE
Lady Jaye to Breaker. Cobra outpost in sight. Looks like Watchdog got this one right. Take it!
JOES
Yo Joe!
LADY JAYE
Oh, no. Watchdog needs its central processing unit examined. Back to your vehicles.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SCARLETT
I don't like it. Our forces are spread too thin, and Watchdog keeps barking up all the wrong trees. Any word from Shipwreck yet?
BREAKER
No. But don't worry. He's probably sunnin' himself on a beach somewhere.
EXT. OCEAN - UNDERSEA BASE
SHIPWRECK
Well blow me down! The Cerebus! Wait 'til Flint hears about th...
SHIPWRECK
Cobra Eels, huh? Enjoy your target practice, boys, but don't count on winnin' any Kewpie dolls.
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
SHIPWRECK
As I was sayin', wait 'til Flint...oh, no! They must've been expectin' me!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE - INFIRMARY
SHIPWRECK
What happened? Where am I?
DR. HAMLER
Fortunately, Shipwreck, Watchdog located you in time. Otherwise your rash disregard for orders might have cost you your life.
SHIPWRECK
Your Hamler, right? You designed the computer. I guess I owe you one. Listen, I gotta get on the horn to Headquarters! I gotta warn 'em about....
DR. HAMLER
Oh? You were unable to reach Joe Headquarters? Well, it won't be necessary now.
SHIPWRECK
You mean Watchdog already warned 'em?
DR. HAMLER
Not exactly.
INT. UNDERSEA BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
What are we waiting for? Send it on its way!
DESTRO
Yes. Let the mission commence!
SHIPWRECK
What the blue-eyed blazes? Cobra? You work for the snakes?
ZARTAN
That I do, G. I. Joey, as long as they keep paying me!
SHIPWRECK
Zartan! Then Watchdog....
COBRA COMMANDER
Takes its orders from Cobra. Destro designed it, and "Dr. Hamler" sold it to the Pentagon.
SHIPWRECK
Then you're the one who sent us on all these wild goose chases.
DESTRO
Precisely, leaving your Headquarters virtually deserted and vulnerable to attack.
SHIPWRECK
You're bughouse, Destro. Nothin' can get past our autodefense systems.
DESTRO
Unless, of course, Watchdog were to turn them off.
SHIPWRECK
You ain't gettin' away with this, you bilge rats!
COBRA COMMANDER
Bring him to the command center. I want to see him squirm as we watch the destruction of G. I. Joe!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
DESTRO
Watchdog can access every surveillance unit in G. I. Joe Headquarters. We'll be able to witness the destruction almost first-hand on these monitors.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SCARLETT
Breaker, what happened?
BREAKER
I don't know. The whole blamed console went dead, everything but the auto-surveillance scanners!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
This is priceless!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MOTOR POOL
COBRA COMMANDER
A triumph! A masterpiece of the destructive arts!
SHIPWRECK
I'm surprised you don't call 'em long distance and brag!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
An excellent idea. Yes, let's reach out and crush someone! Destro, enable their communications.
DESTRO
Commander, no!
COBRA COMMANDER
Never refuse me, Destro!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh, hello, Scarlett. I must have gotten a wrong number. I thought I was calling a scrapyard!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SHIPWRECK
Watchdog belongs to Cobra! Take it out!
DESTRO
No more!
BREAKER
Code red, all units! Headquarters under attack, and that blasted Watchdog's a double agent!
COBRA COMMANDER
The fool! Did he really think his outburst could do any good?
DESTRO
It did, Commander. It gave the Joes back their communications.
ZARTAN
And if they do attack Watchdog?
EXT. WATCHDOG - EVENING
DESTRO (V.O.)
We've fortified it with real troops as a caution. But, as Dr. Hamler put it, Watchdog can take care of itself.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - EVENING
SCARLETT
This is like trying to stop a Sherman tank with a flyswatter.
BREAKER
I finally got through to Flint, Lady Jaye, and Heavy Metal. Their groups are gonna meet at the mesa and try to take out Watchdog.
BREAKER
But what are we gonna do about that thing?
SCARLETT
I'm open to suggestions.
EXT. WATCHDOG - NIGHT
FLINT
The Cobra troops show up on radar. They're not holograms. This is for real! Dowse their lights, Ace!
ACE
I hear you talkin', Flint!
FLINT
We're pushin' 'em back, but it's costing us!
FLINT
At this rate, we'll all be on foot by the time we reach the mesa!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
SCARLETT
Come on, Cobra. Nothing is that invicible, right?
SCARLETT
Wrong!
BREAKER
Scarlett!
SCARLETT
Hey, forget it, Breaker. If two Sidewinder missiles can't stop it....
BREAKER
I know, I know. But I was thinkin', maybe we don't have to stop it. Maybe we don't even want to.
SCARLETT
Come again?
SCARLETT
Breaker, you are one clever devil!
EXT. WATCHDOG - NIGHT
HEAVY METAL
That mesa must be one huge ammo dump! It's been shootin' for hours without a break!
HEAVY METAL
Flint!
HEAVY METAL
We're soldiers, Flint, not machines like Watchdog! We gotta pull back and catch out breath!
FLINT
Yeah. I guess you're right. Order a...a retreat.
HEAVY METAL
Now what?
LADY JAYE
Flint, are you all right?
FLINT
Never better. Now let's get outta here, fast!
BREAKER
Jump or kiss tomorrow goodbye!
LADY JAYE
Hey, guess who's here!
BREAKER
Don't look now, folks, but we won!
INT. UNDERSEA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
No! No! How could they, they do this to me?
COBRA COMMANDER
Watchdog and the Pit Viper, both destroyed!
DESTRO
Along with half of Joe Headquarters, Commander. Try to see the bright side.
COBRA COMMANDER
Bright side? Take this in your bright side, Destro!
DESTRO
That will be quite enough, Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
Release me! This is mutiny!
SHIPWRECK
So long, snakes. It's been giggles.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
COL. SHARP
I was against the Watchdog idea from the start, Flint. But Dr. Hamler sold the brass on it completely, and his reputation was impeccable.
FLINT
Well, they should've checked his credentials more thoroughly, Colonel. The real Dr. Hamler--the impeccable one--died in 1978.
SHIPWRECK
And if the brass ever want to buy us another Watchdog, Colonel, make it a cocker spaniel.
