Seventy million years, give or take a few. My men have seen Upper Cretaceous specimens like this before. The oil kept them from being fossilized.
FOREMAN
If you say so. A bone's a bone as far as I'm concerned. What's that?
PROFESSOR
Probably another government official looking for a bribe!
WILD WEASEL
Wild Weasel to Cobra base, the bones are ours!
FOREMAN
I thought we paid everybody off!
PROFESSOR
We did!
WILD WEASEL
Scatter, swine!
FOREMAN
Don't look like no government official to me.
PROFESSOR
He must be a collector. They're desperate men.
PROFESSOR
Strange. A true collector would have taken the dirhinoccus' beak. They're much rarer.
WILD WEASEL
Plan A is complete.
FOREMAN
Sorry about the jawbone, gov'nor.
PROFESSOR
There are more where those came from.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY
INT. MASSEY LAB - LECTURE HALL
DR. MASSEY [Michael Bell]
Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments we will see whether we've accomplished a scientific miracle, or squandered our investors' resources. If this egg, cloned from a single cell of a garter snake, hatches, our project will be a success.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY
COBRA
Signal from Roberts received.
TOMAX AND XAMOT (COMM.)
Proceed with Plan B.
INT. MASSEY LAB - LECTURE HALL
DR. MASSEY
Here it is, gentlemen. A perfect reproduction of the original snake.
ROBERTS
Congratulations, Dr. Massey, from Cobra!
DR. MASSEY
Unhand me!
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - FOG
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SCARLETT
What I don't get, why is Cobra stealing dinosaur bones and old scientists?
ROADBLOCK
Maybe everyone is too tough for them.
GUNG-HO
The two raids must be connected.
FLINT
They are. Intelligence believes that Cobra has a base in the South Pacific where they plan to clone dinosaurs.
GUNG-HO
That's impossible.
SCARLETT
Cobra has an irritating habit of doing the impossible.
ROADBLOCK
So what if they clone a bone? It'll be thirty years before the dinos grow up, and we'll be retired by then.
AIRTIGHT
Wrong. Dr. Massey has also made significant breakthroughs in a rapid growth catalyst.
GUNG-HO
Would you mind repeatin' that in English?
AIRTIGHT
Sure. The dinosaurs will grow to full size less than twenty-four hours after hatching.
ROADBLOCK
Whoa. Instant monster.
FLINT
We've got to find Dr. Massey before his dinosaurs find us.
EXT. SOUTH PACIFIC - DINOSAUR ISLAND
DEEP SIX
Deep Six to Headquarters
FLINT (COMM.)
Flint here.
DEEP SIX
I've spotted something weird. An island that's not on the map.
FLINT
Impossible. The entire Earth's been mapped.
DEEP SIX
Well, something's wrong. Either my eyes or their map.
DEEP SIX
Uh-oh, I got company. Cobra Rattler.
FLINT (COMM.)
We'll be out there with SkyStrikers before you can say....
DEEP SIX
Roger and out.
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
This planet was once ruled by reptiles.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER (CONT.)
Soon it will be again, this time by reptiles known as Cobra. Look about you and savor the beauty, Destro.
DESTRO
I see no beauty in this bug-infested swamp. Nor do I see any wisdom in your plan.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) You will, Destro, (T) very soon, (X) thanks to a few items (T) we've picked up. Namely, (X) these dinosaur bones, (T) and one slightly used scientific genius (T and X) in a disposable container.
COBRA COMMANDER
Each bone fragment has enough material to clone an infinite number of living dinosaurs. Therefore, I suggest you begin now. Infinity is a very big number.
EXT. SOUTH PACIFIC - DINOSAUR ISLAND
FLINT
According to Deep Six, the island is just ahead.
GUNG-HO
He said it looked weird, so this must be the place.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
DESTRO
It seems we have uninvited guests.
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - SWAMP
FLINT
Look for an open spot to land.
GUNG-HO
I don't see nothin' yet.
SCARLETT
Looks like we won't have to find a spot to land.
GUNG-HO
Yeah. Cobra's pretty well taken care of that.
SCARLETT
Flint, bail out!
FLINT
My controls are jammed!
SCARLETT
Flint!
GUNG-HO
Flint!
SCARLETT
Get out of there, Flint!
SCARLETT
He's heading for the swamp!
GUNG-HO
I thought he was gonna make it.
SCARLETT
So did I.
GUNG-HO
What now?
SCARLETT
We carry on.
SCARLETT AND GUNG-HO
Flint!
FLINT
Anybody got an aspirin?
CRIMSON GUARD #1
No survivors here.
CRIMSON GUARD #2
Let's check the other wrecks.
GUNG-HO
No two ways about it. We've got to call in an air strike.
SCARLETT
How loud can you yell?
GUNG-HO
Plenty loud.
SCARLETT
Good. Because we don't have a radio.
FLINT
She's right. We'll have to take out the fortress on our own.
SCARLETT
Good. I was afraid we wouldn't have anything to do today.
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
DR. MASSEY
Yes, well, I have injected the genetic material into the eggs, along with ultra-growth protein. And, uh....
COBRA COMMANDER
Doctor, look.
DR. MASSEY
Such creatures have not been seen on earth for millions of years!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - SWAMP
GUNG-HO
I'm so hungry, even our food packets are lookin' good.
FLINT
Don't eat, Gung-Ho. We gotta conserve food. Who knows how long we'll be here?
GUNG-HO
Good grief! Next he'll be tellin' me we can't sleep.
FLINT
Well, if you want to bunk out in this oozing swamp, be my guest.
GUNG-HO
Well, all right, but I've got some primal urges to satisfy, and the top two on my list are food and shelter.
SCARLETT
What are you complaining about, Gung-Ho? I thought this place would remind you of home.
GUNG-HO
It does. Now you know why I left.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER
Drain the tank.
COBRA COMMANDER
All right, Destro.
DESTRO
As usual, your plans are useless without the addition of my genius.
COBRA COMMANDER
Controlling such primitive brains hardly requires genius, Destro.
DESTRO
Then perhaps you would like to take over this phase of the project, my dear Commander?
COBRA COMMANDER
No, Destro. I would not deprive you of your brief moment of glory. My triumph shall come soon enough.
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - SWAMP
SCARLETT
I wonder if they know we're here.
GUNG-HO
Not unless the rumblings in my stomach have given us away. I don't even know where we are.
SCARLETT
How do know we're not going around in circles?
FLINT
We don't.
FLINT
Well I'll be!
SCARLETT
If that isn't the luck of the Irish.
FLINT
Yeah, but I'm not Irish.
GUNG-HO
And that place definitely is not kosher.
GUNG-HO
What's that?
SCARLETT
Let's pretend it's the wind.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
CRIMSON GUARD
All right, you overgrown iguanas! Let's move it!
COBRA COMMANDER
The Crimson Guardsmen are either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid, Destro.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) They're neither. (X) They just have an unusual idea (T and X) of how to have a good time.
COBRA COMMANDER
With these dinosaurs under my command, I will control the....
DESTRO
Save the pompous chatter for later, Commander! I must concentrate! Their brains must be made receptive to control.
DESTRO
There. Now you may use the cybernetic control disk.
COBRA COMMANDER
Dinosaurs, do my bidding! Stifle yourselves.
CRIMSON GUARD
Sufferin' serpents! It works!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
FLINT
If Cobra's got Dr. Massey in there, I hope he's not about to become a dinosaur dinner.
SCARLETT
Dinner? He'd only be an appetizer.
GUNG-HO
Could we stop talkin' about food? Please?
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
DESTRO
It seems the intruders are somewhat more alive than we thought.
COBRA COMMANDER
Then release the dinosaurs.
DR. MASSEY
But you must feed them first!
COBRA COMMANDER
Feed them? That is exactly what I plan to do!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
SCARLETT
Looks like we're gonna have to climb this rock to get to those Cobra clods.
GUNG-HO
What's goin' on?
SCARLETT
You think that gun's gonna do any good?
FLINT
I'll try anything once.
SCARLETT
Great. Now you've made him angry.
FLINT
That's too bad. I'll bet he's a real charmer on good days.
GUNG-HO
Hey, let me handle this character. I grew up wrestlin' gators.
GUNG-HO
Uh, would you believe chameleons?
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER
It's the one called Gung-Ho. Dinosaur, attack and destroy him.
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
GUNG-HO
Come on! At least act like it hurts!
GUNG-HO
Uh-oh!
FLINT
Gung-Ho, over here!
GUNG-HO
Yo Joe!
SCARLETT
Hey, I thought dinosaurs were stupid.
FLINT
They just don't make 'em like they used to.
SCARLETT
Well, somebody's watching us on TV.
GUNG-HO
Yeah? Well the show's over!
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
DESTRO
We've lost them!
COBRA COMMANDER
How can I direct the dinosaurs if I can't see where they are?
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
FLINT
That did the trick. Somebody must be guiding them.
SCARLETT
I wonder who that might be?
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER
We will have to use the dinosaurs' instincts.
DESTRO
Perhaps that will help us understand why they became extinct.
COBRA COMMANDER
You will see, Destro.
DESTRO
What's this? You are wasting company time! You should be tracking the Joes in case the dinosaurs fail!
CRIMSON GUARD
How 'bout after our break, Destro? We're union, y'know.
DESTRO
Move it, now!
CRIMSON GUARD
Yes, sir. Right away, sir!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
FLINT
In there!
GUNG-HO
For once I'm glad they're so big.
CRIMSON GUARD
Looks like the dinosaurs are doing the job for us.
GUNG-HO
I didn't know they made little ones.
SCARLETT
Flint!
CRIMSON GUARD
Sounds like dinosaurs dig G. I. Joe meat.
SCARLETT
He's looking for something to eat.
FLINT
He wants the food packets.
GUNG-HO
Looks like I'm not the only one with primal urges.
SCARLETT
Those urges might just get us out of here.
FLINT
Scarlett, what are you doing?
SCARLETT
Chow down, fellas. Here's your dinner.
FLINT
You better watch it, or you're gonna be their dinner!
SCARLETT
No way. Given their choice, animals always go for real food. Humans taste terrible.
GUNG-HO
Well, that's good to hear.
SCARLETT
Go fetch, boys!
CRIMSON GUARD
Huh. That's a strange lookin' weapon.
CRIMSON GUARD
Retreat! Retreat!
SCARLETT
Two birds with one stone.
SCARLETT
Let's see what Cobra left behind.
FLINT
Yeah. This should come in real handy.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER
Your mind control devices failed, Destro.
DESTRO
No mind control device can override the need for food.
DR. MASSEY
He's right, sir.
COBRA COMMANDER
Then perhaps I should feed both of you to them!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
FLINT
You two grab Dr. Massey. I'll prepare a little surprise for Cobra.
SCARLETT
You got it.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER
Dinosaurs, destroy the G. I. Joes!
DR. MASSEY
No! I won't let this go any further!
COBRA COMMANDER
Quiet, Doctor, before I remember that your usefulness is nearly at an end!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
COBRA COMMANDER
My dinosaurs should be feasting on the Joes by now.
GUNG-HO
Yo Joe!
COBRA COMMANDER
Terminate them!
DR. MASSEY
Get the Commander's disk!
GUNG-HO
Gimme!
COBRA COMMANDER
Get off me, moron!
GUNG-HO
Give me the disk!
SCARLETT
Uh, Gung-Ho?
GUNG-HO
Uh...yeah.
COBRA COMMANDER
Tell me, Joe, what would you have done if you had gotten the disk? You could never use the dinosaurs to attack us. This fortress is impregnable from below.
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
GUNG-HO
Well, we didn't figure on bringin' the dinosaurs to the fortress. We figured on bringin' the fortress to the dinosaurs!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
SCARLETT
Dinosaurs, attack fortress!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
SCARLETT
Dr. Massey, talk to them!
DR. MASSEY
Uh, what should I say?
FLINT
Tell 'em there's food up here!
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
DR. MASSEY (COMM.)
Uh, dinosaurs, there is food up here. There is food up here.
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
INT. MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) I say, Destro, (T) mind if we (T and X) hitch a ride?
FLINT
I think they've got the right idea.
COBRA COMMANDER
For once I agree.
GUNG-HO
Who was it said they don't eat humans?
EXT. DINOSAUR ISLAND - MOUNTAIN FORTRESS
FLINT
Everybody okay?
DR. MASSEY
Yes, yes.
GUNG-HO
I'm okay.
SCARLETT
Yeah. Fine.
FLINT
Okay, Commander, you're coming with us. Commander?
GUNG-HO
Musta slithered into a hole somewhere.
SCARLETT
Well, what are we going to do with these dinosaurs?
DR. MASSEY
Perhaps we could open a museum. My investors....
FLINT
Can suck eggs as far as I'm concerned. The dinosaurs are staying and we're leaving, unless of course you want to stick around. Any questions?
GUNG-HO
Yeah. Where's the grub?
SCARLETT
Over there. But you may have to share some with your friends.
