There ain't nothin' I like attendin' less than a weddin', even if it is your kid sister's, Lifeline.
LIFELINE
Yeah, I'm with you, Shipwreck. I'm only here because my sister wants me to walk her down the aisle. Dad can't do it because he's performing the ceremony. But I tell you, I wish she weren't marrying so young.
SHIPWRECK
At this late date, you best keep that thought to yourself.
EXT. PITTSBURGH - CHURCH
SCARLETT
We're here. Everyone fall out, unless you'd like to spend the next eight hours testing armor at our Pittsburgh Weapons Depot.
LIFELINE
Go test 'em, Scarlett. Thanks for the lift.
SCARLETT
No problem, Lifeline. Give your sister a kiss for me!
LIFT-TICKET
So, that's your dad's church, huh?
LIFELINE
Uh-huh. Has been since he was transferred here from Seattle three years ago.
ROADBLOCK
Say, why are those three ladies givin' us the evil eye? Don't they know who you are?
LIFELINE
They know, Roadblock. They're pacifists. I'm the black sheep of the family. They don't approve of my career choice.
ROADBLOCK
Family squabbles always get me down. I think I'll raise my spirits by checkin' out the caterin' truck.
ROADBLOCK
Mind if I take a look at your hors d'oeuvres? I do a little cookin' myself.
"CATERER"
No, be my guest. In fact....
ZARTAN
Be my permanent guest. One of the Joes got a little curious.
ZARANA
We'll have to work fast.
LIFT-TICKET
And your dad never forgave you for joinin' the Joes?
LIFELINE
That's about it.
LIFT-TICKET
Rough.
STEPHANIE
Edwin!
LIFELINE
Hello, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
Oh, it's so good to see you!
LIFELINE
Glad I could come. Guys, meet my kid sister Stephanie. Now this is Shipwreck, Lift-Ticket, oh, and Mr. Cool himself, Iceberg.
LIFELINE
I don't know where Roadblock is. He went to inspect the hors d'oeuvres.
STEPHANIE
Well, maybe he's already inside. The ceremony's about to start. You guys go on in. I want a word with Edwin.
INT. CHURCH - SANCTUARY
ZARTAN
Zarana, I got three of them.
EXT. PITTSBURGH - CHURCH
ZARANA
Good. I'll take number four.
STEPHANIE
Edwin, you and Father have got to call a truce. Do it for me, please?
LIFELINE
Aw, I'll try.
ZARANA
Number four is a go.
INT. CHURCH - FOYER
LIFELINE
Father.
REV. STEEN [Ed Gilbert]
Son.
LIFELINE
Gosh, don't I even rate a smile, or at least a handshake?
REV. STEEN
My son does, but his soldier's uniform does not. Excuse me. I have a wedding to perform.
STEPHANIE
Edwin, you promised to be nice to Father!
LIFELINE
Hey, I...
STEPHANIE
What's wrong?
LIFELINE
I...I don't know.
EXT. PITTSBURGH WEAPONS DEPOT - DAY
HAWK
All right, let's find out how much heat this new armor can take. If it can stand up to our weapons, it'll stand up to Cobra.
SCI-FI
Say when, Hawk.
HAWK
Ready...aim...fire!
RIPPER
You heard the General! Fire!
SCARLETT
Dreadnoks!
HAWK
Get 'em!
RIPPER
Let's get outta here!
HAWK
Come on!
HAWK
Yo Joe!
EXT. PENNSYLVANIA ROAD - DAY
RIPPER
Zartan, this is Ripper! We tagged 'em! Now all we gotta do is get away!
EXT. PITTSBURGH - CHURCH
DR. MINDBENDER
Yes. Report, Zarana.
ZARANA
The pellets are in place, Dr. Mindbender. You can begin your experiment.
ROADBLOCK
All right, what experiment, you dirty Cobra creeps?
ZARANA
As I said, Dr. Mindbender, you can begin.
DR. MINDBENDER
We already have, my dear.
EXT. PITTSBURGH - COBRA BASE
INT. COBRA BASE
SERPENTOR
This had better be good, Dr. Mindbender. Cobra hires you to destroy the Joes, not to entertain them with second-rate organ music!
DR. MINDBENDER
Ah, but Serpentor, I can do both at once.
SERPENTOR
Come now, Mindbender. Even your playing isn't that bad.
DR. MINDBENDER
It is not how I play but what I play that matters. The Dreadnoks have planted small radio receivers on a group of Joes here in Pittsburgh. My mood organ harmonics are transmitted to the Joes' receivers, disrupting their emotional balance. They will feel sudden waves of inexplicable fear, anger, jealousy, and hysteria.
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes. The Joes will be so unsettled by their mood swings, they won't be able to resist a Cobra attack.
SERPENTOR
Interesting. Cobra Commander, go find something else to do. Why don't you check on garbage disposal operations? I'll take over here.
COBRA COMMANDER
But Serpentor, it's my project!
SERPENTOR
It was your project. Now it is mine, or have you forgotten who leads Cobra now?
COBRA COMMANDER
I could never forget that, Serpentor.
SERPENTOR
Play, Dr. Mindbender, play. Let's have a bit more anger and jealousy, while you tell me which melodies correspond to what moods.
INT. CHURCH - SANCTUARY
REV. STEEN
Do you Stephanie take Peter to be your lawfully wedded husband?
LIFT-TICKET
Gimme some room, you guys. You're crowdin' me.
STEPHANIE
I do.
SHIPWRECK
Hey!
ICEBERG
Watch it, Lift-Ticket.
REV. STEEN
If there is anyone who rejects to this marriage, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
LIFELINE
Yes! I object! Strongly! Stephanie's too young to get married, and too good for that wimp!
STEPHANIE
Edwin, what are you doing? How could you say such a thing?
LIFELINE
I, uh, sis, I...I don't know. I....
STEPHANIE
Edwin!
LIFT-TICKET
Stop hittin' me!
ICEBERG
You hit me first!
LIFT-TICKET
Did not!
SHIPWRECK
Did too!
LIFT-TICKET
That's too weird! Let's get outta here.
SHIPWRECK
Hey, Lifeline! Wait for us!
EXT. PITTSBURGH - TROLLEY
LIFELINE
Okay, this is my trolley now, and I don't want anyone else riding it! Everybody out!
DRIVER [Michael Bell]
Hey, you can't do that!
PASSENGERS
Hey! Take it easy! He's out of his mind!
DRIVER
What's goin' on? Come back here!
ICEBERG
We wanna play, too!
ZARANA
Zartan, those were Joes that just went by!
ZARTAN
Zartan calling Dreadnoks, we've got four Joes in a trolley. Let's give them some action!
EXT. PENNSYLVANIA ROAD - DAY
RIPPER
Little busy here, Zartan! We got three Joes on our tail!
ZARTAN (COMM.)
Good. Lead them into town. Mindbender will take it from there.
EXT. PITTSBURGH - STREETS
ZARTAN
This is going to be fun!
ZARANA
It's all yours, Meistro.
INT. COBRA BASE
EXT. PITTSBURGH - STREETS
SCARLETT
Stop! Stop! My head hurts! I can't think!
SCI-FI
I...I can't move!
LIFELINE
Comin' through!
HAWK
I can't move! Can't move!
LIFELINE
Hey! Outta the way! Comin' through!
SHIPWRECK
Hey, better haul down the mainsails, Lifeline. Those swabbies ain't movin'!
SHIPWRECK
The brakes ain't workin'!
ICEBERG
We're gonna run over our pals!
LIFT-TICKET
Wait! I'll show you crybabies how to handle this!
LIFT-TICKET
That's how you stop a trolley!
LIFELINE
Hey Hawk, you spoiled our fun. Why didn't you move?
HAWK
W-we couldn't. I-I don't know why.
SCARLETT
We were chasing the Dreadnoks. They turned a corner, disappeared.
SCI-FI
And suddenly there you were, comin' right at us.
HAWK
I want everyone back to the Joe testing base 'til we find out what's going on.
LIFELINE
Sorry, Hawk. I can't go. I've gotta see my sister and apologize.
HAWK
Go on then! Get outta here! Who needs you anyway?
LIFELINE
All right! I can take a hint!
HAWK
So, what are we waiting for? The rest of you buddy up on the Recon Sleds, and let's get outta here!
INT. COBRA BASE
DR. MINDBENDER
What do you thiink of my music now, Serpentor?
SERPENTOR
I would've been more impressed if they'd have been run over by the trolley.
ZARTAN (O.C.)
Precisely our feeling, Serpentor.
DR. MINDBENDER
Zartan! We set them up, but you failed to finish the job! You saw how helpless they were--emotional paralysis! They couldn't move!
ROADBLOCK
Lift-Ticket could. He did it his way and saved the day.
DR. MINDBENDER
Perhaps my playing was too subtle. I didn't want the Joes to realize what was happening to them. Next time I'll play louder!
SERPENTOR
Very impressive. Your device deserves a second test, Mindbender. Let's see how well the Joes fight under emotional distress.
SERPENTOR
Zartan, you and your Dreadnoks go to the Joe testing range. Take some BATs for backup and launch an attack. If they can defeat the Joes on their own turf, then Dr. Mindbender, I will have the weapon of he century!
INT. CHURCH
PETER
Stephanie, it's not the end of the world.
STEPHANIE
I know, Peter. It's really my brother Edwin I'm worried about. The way he acted makes no sense.
LIFELINE
Stephanie, I came to offer an apology. I feel awful about what I did at the church.
STEPHANIE
Oh, I forgive you. But I think it's important that we find out why you did what you did.
LIFELINE
My emotions just went out of control. I don't know why.
REV. STEEN
I'll tell you why, Edwin. You've thrown in with a bad lot--brutal, warlike men and women with no concern for human feeling. And you're becoming like them.
LIFELINE
Dad, you're wrong. The Joes are heroes. I'm proud to be one of them.
REV. STEEN
Then you're no son of mine!
LIFELINE
Stephanie, I'm sorry. I guess I'd better leave. I'll talk to you later.
STEPHANIE
Edwin, wait! Oh, Dad!
EXT. PITTSBURGH WEAPONS DEPOT - DAY
HAWK
Dreadnoks!
HAWK
Take cover!
RIPPER
This is gonna be real easy!
ZARANA
Yeah.
BUZZER
We won't even need them BATs!
ICEBERG
Help!
SHIPWRECK
Help yourself, Iceberg! I'm busy!
INT. COBRA BASE
ZARANA
I think we're gonna win this one!
DR. MINDBENDER
By controlling their emotions, I've made it impossible for the Joes to fight effectively!
ROADBLOCK
It'll take more than sour notes to defeat my pals, Mindbender!
DR. MINDBENDER
Oh, really? Our prisoner just got a massive overdose of self-pity!
SERPENTOR
Yes, Mindbender. But there's one problem: you're having all the fun!
DR. MINDBENDER
Great Serpentor, don't!
SERPENTOR
Silence! Now, I will lead the Joes to their ultimate destruction! This I command!
EXT. PITTSBURGH WEAPONS DEPOT - DAY
LIFT-TICKET
Whee!
ZARANA
Zartan!
ZARTAN
That fool pilot's flying right into our line of fire!
ZARTAN
Now, let's hit their arsenal.
SCARLETT
Hawk, it's no use! The Dreadnoks have us licked! Let's get outta here!
HAWK
Just like a woman! Always ready to quit!
SCARLETT
Hawk, don't! You're just gonna make 'em mad!
SCARLETT
I told you!
ZARANA
They're still alive!
ZARTAN
Hmm. But not for long. When this sets off their arsenal, they're history!
INT. COBRA BASE
ZARANA
Zarana to Mindbender, should we go back and finish them off?
SERPENTOR
Not necessary, Zarana. Mindbender's weapon has been proven effective. Alive or not, the Joes are finished.
EXT. STEEN RESIDENCE - NIGHT
STEPHANIE
Edwin, what's wrong?
LIFELINE
My friends. They're hurt.
INT. COBRA BASE
ZARTAN
It was like shooting wooden ducks at a carnival!
SERPENTOR
Excellent. I truly possess the weapon of the century. Wouldn't you agree, Cobra Commander?
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh, I agree with everything you say, mighty Serpentor.
SERPENTOR
See that you do. Now, I want to experiment at close range.
ROADBLOCK
Don't be a fool, snake drool! There ain't a musical note around that's gonna knock me down!
SERPENTOR
Oh, really?
SERPENTOR
Crawl, swine! This I command!
ROADBLOCK
You'll pay, laser-brain!
DR. MINDBENDER
Serpentor, your resistance is too great! He'll die before he surrenders to the music!
SERPENTOR
Doctor, if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you!
EXT. STEEN RESIDENCE - NIGHT
INT. STEEN RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM
SCARLETT
Thanks, Stephanie. Some wedding day, huh?
REV. STEEN
This will hurt a bit, son. You dislocated your shoulder.
LIFT-TICKET
Yeah. Along with my common sense.
LIFT-TICKET
Thanks, Reverend. Now I know where Lifeline got his gentle touch.
REV. STEEN
My son inherited nothing from me.
ICEBERG
I can feel the chill all the way across the room, Lifeline. Why don't you two make up?
LIFELINE
He started it. Let him make the first move.
HAWK
Scarlett, what happened to us? How did we get beaten so badly?
SCARLETT
I don't know, Hawk, but we didn't fight as a team.
LIFT-TICKET
Scarlett's right. Our emotions pulled us apart. Cobra's behind this. I'm willin' to bet on it.
SHIPWRECK
Then what we need are reinforcements.
HAWK
No, Shipwreck. If indeed it is Cobra, it's important that we handle it ourselves.
INT. STEEN RESIDENCE - STUDY
LIFELINE
Dad, we have to talk.
REV. STEEN
We have nothing to talk about.
LIFELINE
I love you, Dad, and you love me. But we have to accept each other for what we are, rather than waste our lives with anger. That's how I feel about it.
REV. STEEN
Edwin, you would've made a fine preacher. And you're right. We are what we are, and it's time that I remembered how much I do love you. Son.
LIFELINE
Dad.
EXT. COBRA BASE - NIGHT
INT. COBRA BASE
SERPENTOR
Green is for envy, red is for pain. Yellow is fear, purple is vain! Orange is anger, blue is despair! Your mood will keep changing more than you can bear!
SERPENTOR
Applaud me! I just made up a song!
DR. MINDBENDER
Serpentor, the Joes are attacking!
SERPENTOR
Fools, they'll be defeated the same as before, only this time permanently! Launch Night Ravens to attack the Joe aircraft! Now Mindbender, we'll see first-hand what your weapon can do!
EXT. COBRA BASE - NIGHT
SCARLETT
Ravens attacking, Lift-Ticket!
LIFT-TICKET
No problem, Scarlett!
SCARLETT
Fight it, Lift-Ticket! Let's send those Blackbirds squawking! Oh, that music!
LIFT-TICKET (COMM.)
Block out those sour notes, Scarlett!
SCARLETT
I'm trying! I'm trying!
LIFT-TICKET
A Raven's after me!
SCARLETT (COMM.)
Concentrate! Concentrate!
LIFT-TICKET
I beat it! Now let's give Hawk some air support!
SCI-FI
Hawk, those BATs! I'm scared!
HAWK
Me too! Just keep telling yourself they're just machines! Just stupid, mindless machines!
ICEBERG
I don't hear nothin'! I don't hear nothin'!
ICEBERG
Bingo!
SHIPWRECK
I will not drown! I will not drown! I will not drown!
SHIPWRECK
Yo Joe! I didn't drown!
ZARTAN
Something's gone wrong!
RIPPER
Let's get outta here!
ZARANA
What about Buzzer and Torch?
ZARTAN
They'll have to manage on their own!
INT. COBRA BASE
SERPENTOR
The Dreadnoks are leaving! The Joes are winning! Mindbender, your machine is a failure!
EXT. COBRA BASE - NIGHT
ICEBERG
What?
INT. COBRA BASE
DR. MINDBENDER
My instrument! It's ruined!
ROADBLOCK
That's not all that's gonna be ruined, Mindbender!
EXT. COBRA BASE - NIGHT
ICEBERG
Should we go after 'em?
HAWK
Let 'em go. We'll catch 'em another time. Right now, we've got a wedding to attend.
INT. CHURCH - SANCTUARY
REV. STEEN
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. That which God has joined, let no man put asunder. You may kiss the bride.
SHIPWRECK
Now that's a force ten kiss.
HAWK
You know, maybe Cobra did us a favor.
LIFT-TICKET
How do you read that?
HAWK
Well, they forced each of us to recognize some of our weaknesses. That's not all bad.
SHIPWRECK
Yeah, I guess. But let's not forget, we got our strong emotions, too. Know what I mean?
