Major Bludd to desert base: the Joes are on their way.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
COBRA COMMANDER
Very good, Major. You may proceed as instructed, Wild Weasel.
EXT. SKY OVER DESERT - DAY
WILD WEASEL
Attack!
GUNG-HO
Uh-oh. We got company! Ambush at twelve o'clock!
ACE
Cobra Rattlers! I thought I smelled something.
WILD WEASEL
Blast you, G. I. Joe!
ACE
Not unless you learn to shoot straight.
GUNG-HO
Watch it, Ace. You got a snake tryin' to bite your tail.
ACE
I see him. Time to reshuffle this deck.
ACE
That oughta make the odds even.
ACE (COMM.)
Looks like they don't want to play anymore. Let's follow 'em home.
WILD WEASEL
Wild Weasel to desert base, the Joes are right behind us.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
Good. We're ready to welcome them.
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
COBRA COMMANDER
I shall put Destro's newest toy to its test.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
GUNG-HO
They're goin' into that canyon.
ACE
And we're right behind 'em.
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
COBRA COMMANDER
Come, my foolish foes. Come into Cobra's pit. Yes, that's it. We welcome you!
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
ROADBLOCK
Whoa! What's goin' on?
ACE
Those shockwaves...they're tearing our planes apart! Gotta send a distress signal to Headquarters. Bail out!
ACE
Well, we're out of the frying pan....
GUNG-HO
And right into the fire!
ACE
Cobra CLAWs!
ACE
We're like sittin' ducks out here. Come on, take cover!
GUNG-HO
It's against my policy to run from Cobra!
ROADBLOCK
Nobody likes to retreat, Gung-Ho, but their numbers got us beat!
GUNG-HO
What the...
ACE
They've got us!
ROADBLOCK
Now I know what a tuna feels like!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - THRONE ROOM
DESTRO
It was too soon to reveal the ultrasonic weapon. Now G. I. Joe will have time to prepare.
COBRA COMMANDER
Prepare for what? Their aircraft are powerless against us!
DESTRO
You underestimate their ingenuity, Cobra Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
And you worry needlessly, Destro! They are no obstacle to my plan! This country's oil fields supply a third of the free world's energy. Deprived of that oil, the free world will swiftly fall before Cobra's superior might.
DESTRO
What about G. I. Joe? They'll not stand idly by while you destroy the oil fields.
COBRA COMMANDER
You have grown too cautious, Destro, which is why I, not you, am Cobra Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
The catch of the day has arrived!
EXT. PALACE - DAY
INT. PALACE - BRIEFING ROOM
FLINT
I want artillery deployed here, communications here, and SkyStrikers here, ready to scramble.
WILD BILL
Comin' up, Flint, pronto.
SCARLETT
Any word from Ace yet? Roadblock or Gung-Ho?
FLINT
No.
AIRBORNE
And there isn't gonna be any.
FLINT
What?
AIRBORNE
They sent out a mayday from somewhere in the desert. Then we lost all contact.
SCARLETT
Cobra.
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - ARENA OF SPORT
CRIMSON GUARD
Come on, move!
ACE
If it isn't our old friend, Cobra Commander.
GUNG-HO
Fiend would be more like it.
COBRA COMMANDER
Your levity is misplaced, G. I. Joe. If only you knew what I had in mind for you.
ROADBLOCK
Cobra Commander has a mind?
COBRA COMMANDER
Laugh while you may.
COBRA COMMANDER
I'm afraid I won't be here to witness your fate. More pressing matters call me. Nonetheless, I hope you will enjoy my little surprise. We're just full of surprises!
GUNG-HO
What's he got in mind?
ACE
You really want an answer?
ROADBLOCK
What's that?
GUNG-HO
Somethin' mean, ugly, and real unfriendly.
ACE
Look out!
ROADBLOCK
That thing ain't so fast!
GUNG-HO
Maybe, but it's not gonna get tired, either.
EXT. PALACE - DAY
INT. PALACE - BRIEFING ROOM
SCARLETT
Flint, I'm really worried about Ace and the others.
FLINT
Likewise, Scarlett. But we've got to prepare for Cobra's attack on the oil fields. Besides, those three guys can take pretty good care of themselves.
SCARLETT
I hope so.
AIRBORNE
Scarlett looks mighty upset.
FLINT
Yeah. I just hope she doesn't try anything risky.
EXT. PALACE - COURTYARD
SHEIK ALI
Ah, my dear Scarlett, what troubles you so?
SCARLETT
I, I just can't leave my three friends to the mercy of Cobra. I have to do something, Sheik Ali.
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - ARENA OF SPORT
ROADBLOCK
Gung-Ho was right. We're tirin' a lot faster than that machine.
GUNG-HO
But how does it see us? It's got no eyes!
ACE
Infra-red sensors! It sees the heat from our bodies. Hey, maybe we should warm things up a little around here.
ACE
Keep that thing distracted.
GUNG-HO
My pleasure.
GUNG-HO
Get a sensor full o' this, crabbo!
GUNG-HO
Whatever you're up to, Ace, make it snappy, you hear?
ACE
They want something to laugh about, let's give it to 'em!
ACE
Roadblock, think fast!
GUNG-HO
Will you guys please hurry up?
ROADBLOCK
Cover me, Ace
ACE
You got it, Roadblock.
ROADBLOCK
I don't believe it! Even lasers can't blow that thing away!
ACE
Both of you, to the door on the double!
ACE
This better work.
GUNG-HO
What about you?
ACE
Move! I'll be right behind you...I hope.
ACE
Let's get outta here!
EXT. PALACE - DAY
WILD BILL
Why am I always such a sucker for a pretty face? Scarlett, you're gonna get us in a passel o' trouble, you know?
SCARLETT
Comes with the territory, cowboy. Take her up!
SHEIK ALI
Good hunting, Scarlett! I hope you find your missing friends!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - CONTROL ROOM
DESTRO
I warned you not to underestimate G. I. Joe!
COBRA COMMANDER
How could you allow them to escape? Stop them! They must not leave this base alive!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - CORRIDOR
ROADBLOCK
Uh-oh, dead end!
CRIMSON GUARD
Cobra!
COBRA
I thought G. I. Joes never deserted one of their own.
CRIMSON GUARD
Pure propaganda. They're all a bunch o'... Look out, it's a trick!
ACE
That'll hold Cobra off long enough to get out of here.
GUNG-HO
This place is a regular maze. Which way is out?
ACE
Lady Luck'll decide for us. Heads we go right, tails left.
GUNG-HO
Ah, I don't muck around with luck. We go right.
ACE
Can I at least have my coin back?
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - CONTROL ROOM
CRIMSON GUARD
Commander, the G. I. Joes have escaped.
COBRA COMMANDER
Escaped? Indeed. Their clever little cave-in has sealed their doom. They will all slowly perish.
COBRA COMMANDER
Now let the attack commence.
EXT. OIL FIELD - DAY
FLINT
Cobra attack!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - CORRIDOR
GUNG-HO
There's a quarter mile of solid rock between us and daylight. We can't get up there.
ACE
But maybe we can go down. Sand's wet, which means....
GUNG-HO
There must be a river under us.
ROADBLOCK
But how do we get to it?
ACE
Give me your weapons. I'm gonna overcharge 'em. The explosion should blow a hole right through the floor.
ROADBLOCK
Or bring the roof down on us.
ACE
That's a chance we'll have to take. Get back.
GUNG-HO
You dug quite a hole, but I don't see any water.... Oh no, not again!
EXT. OIL FIELD - DAY
AIRBORNE
That's one snake grounded for the duration.
FLINT
Yeah, but we're a long way from being out of the woods. With the radar down, we're fighting half blind; and we're missing our best pilot, our heavy gunner, Gung-Ho, Wild Bill, and Scarlett. Where the heck is everybody?
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - UNDERGROUND RIVER
ACE
I think we've found our way out.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
WILD BILL
It's no use, Red. You might as well be lookin' for a horse feather in a haystack!
SCARLETT
In that case, I just spotted three horse feathers. Take us down.
WILD BILL
Hey, guys!
ACE
Scarlett!
SCARLETT
Where've you guys been?
ROADBLOCK
Just takin' a little swim!
WILD BILL
Hey, let's cut the howdy short, folks. Take a gander at that!
ACE
Flint's gonna need our help. Come on, back to the palace! Yo Joe!
EXT. DESERT NEAR OIL FIELD
SHEIK ALI
What are you merchants doing here? Can't you see the danger?
MAJ. BLUDD
See it? We're bloody well part of it, mate. All right lads, we'll hustle him back to Cobra base straight away.
EXT. PALACE - DAY
ACE
Scramble those jets!
ACE
Okay, let's give Cobra a taste of its own venom.
EXT. OIL FIELD - DAY
FLINT
Well, whaddya know? It's about time those goldbricks showed up.
WILD BILL
Yippee-ai-yay!
WILD WEASEL
Cobra, retreat!
FLINT
Not bad for a bunch of latecomers!
AIRBORNE
Flint...I see...I think I...
BREAKER
What's with Airborne? Shell shock?
FLINT
No. He's got some kind of ESP, or so his file says.
AIRBORNE
The--the sheik's in trouble. I think Cobra's kidnapped him.
FLINT
This better be for real. SkyStrikers, into the desert!
EXT. SKY OVER DESERT - DAY
WILD BILL
Whoo! It's time for a showdown at the canyon.
ROADBLOCK
We'll never get near it! Cobra's weapon'll shake us to pieces again!
ACE
If Cobra's got all the cards, let's deal ourselves a new hand.
INT. UNDERGROUND RIVER
SCARLETT
If your calculations are correct, this river leads right under Cobra base.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
DESTRO
Attacking again by air. The fools do not seem to learn from their mistakes.
COBRA COMMANDER
Is this the same Destro who warned me not to underestimate G. I. Joe?
DESTRO
It is truly unwise to underestimate my genius, Commander.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
ACE (COMM.)
Okay Joes, follow me.
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
DESTRO
A little closer, G. I. Joe.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
ACE
Cobra will have us targeted any second.
ACE
Pull back!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
COBRA COMMANDER
The Joes are getting away! We need more elevation before they get out of range!
DESTRO
You're too close to the edge! Pull back!
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
GRUNT
Ace and the boys set up a diversion. Now it's our turn!
AIRBORNE
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
COBRA COMMANDER
Give me full power!
DESTRO
Fool! Those gliders have no mechanisms to shake apart! The weapon is useless against them.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
CRIMSON GUARD
Cobra Commander! He's gone over the edge!
DESTRO
Pity.
COBRA COMMANDER
Help me, you idiots!
DESTRO
Need some assistance, Commander?
COBRA COMMANDER
I need no one's assistance, least of all yours, Destro! Your "invincible" weapon almost killed me!
DESTRO
Your incredible stupidity almost killed you.
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - WEAPONS TURRET
COBRA COMMANDER
Sheik Ali, time to exit your little kingdom.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
WILD BILL
Now where?
GUNG-HO
Up, but don't ask me how.
SCARLETT
Allow a lady to lend you boys a hand.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - STEPS
SCARLETT
Leaving the party so soon, Commander?
DESTRO
Come along, Commander. They will not dare stop us.
SCARLETT
No! You might hit the sheik!
DESTRO
Your usefulness to us has ended.
SHEIK ALI
You tried to destroy my country! You must face judgment!
SCARLETT
Ali! No!
DESTRO
Join your friends, Sheik Ali.
SCARLETT
You've got one shot, girl. Make it good.
SHEIK ALI
Scarlett, you saved my life. But Cobra Commander and Destro...they escaped!
SCARLETT
For the moment. Only for the moment.
EXT. PALACE - NIGHT
INT. PALACE - DINING HALL
SCARLETT
You didn't have to go to all this trouble, Sheik Ali, but I'm glad you did. Imagine sharing a sheik's banquet table!
SHEIK ALI
But Scarlett, my cooks did not prepare the meal.
WILD BILL
Yeehaw! Come and get it!
ROADBLOCK
Crêpes suzette, a la Roadblock!
WILD BILL
And Texas hot links, fresh off the barbecue! Ooh, doggies!
SHEIK ALI
They insisted.
SCARLETT
Well, what are you waiting for? Get the chow on the table and let's dig in!
