Intruders must be exterminated! Exterminated! Exterminated!
SHIPWRECK
Cobra Commander, the great snake, rules forever. Wrong. Hail Cobra Commander! The great snake rules forever!
SHIPWRECK
Hail Cobra Commander! The great snake rules forever!
POLLY
Hail, Cobra Commander. The great snake rules forever. Cobra Commander! The great snake rules forever.
SECURITY ROBOT
Enter and get to work.
SHIPWRECK
All right!
SECURITY ROBOT
Have a nice day.
INT. CUBE FACTORY
INTERCOM
Attention loyal Cobra Thirteen workers. Control cube one is complete and is now being readied for delivery. Finish remaining cubes with renewed vigor.
SNAKELINGS
Cobra!
SHIPWRECK
Better keep Headquarters in touch.
SNAKELING [Chris Latta]
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
SHIPWRECK
Uh, uh, uh, what are we doin'? Uh, uh, well, that's a heck of a question. Uh, you know what we're doin'?
SNAKELING
You're supposed to be earning your pay, Snakeling! Now, get to work!
SHIPWRECK
Oh, yes, sir. Right, sir. Work!
SNAKELING
Stop! Since when are birds and dogs part of Cobra regulations?
SHIPWRECK
Uh, look, you want the parrot and pooch for target practice, they're all yours. Just don't tell Destro who told you to take 'em.
SNAKELING
Uh, Destro owns those animals?
SHIPWRECK
Well, Hitler owned a canary. Atilla the Hun liked goldfish. What can I tell ya? You want Destro's zoo, buddy, you got it.
SNAKELING
Hold it. Get back to work, but take care of these pets.
POLLY
Lovely Polly. Sweet birdie.
SNAKELING
And if he isn't nice to them, you let me know. Now start hauling titanium. Cobra Commander needs the rest of them cubes.
EXT. USS FLAGG - DAY
FLINT (O.C.)
Thanks for letting us establish temporary headquarters on your carrier, Admiral Ledger.
INT. USS FLAGG - BRIDGE
ADM. LEDGER
Temporary is the word to remember, Flint. I run a tight ship, and that doesn't leave much room for visitors, even when they're friendly--but especially when they're female.
LADY JAYE
Women aren't bad luck at sea, Admiral. That's just an old Navy superstition.
ADM. LEDGER
Old Navy is just what I am, ma'am. I've been at sea so long, whales ask me for directions.
ADM. LEDGER
There's something comin' in on Joe frequency.
FLINT
That beeper belongs to Shipwreck.
LADY JAYE
All right! He escaped the water robots.
ADM. LEDGER
I'll punch up a close shot.
FLINT
Destro. Shipwreck must've tagged his operation.
ADM. LEDGER
Projecting Destro's flight coordinates shows him touching down at a cute, volcanic vacation spot known as the Devil's Playground. But it's no place for a lady, Flint.
FLINT
I will need someone to maintain surveillance aboard the carrier.
LADY JAYE
And I'm sure you'll pick the right man for the job.
JOES
Yo Joe!
FLINT
She's not just a lady, Admiral Ledger. She's my teammate. Yo Joe!
EXT. USS FLAGG - FLIGHT DECK
EXT. SPACE - SPACE STATION DELTA
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - OPEN AREA
MUTT
It don't figure, Dusty. Why ain't Zartan blastin' more Joe positions on Earth instead o' workin' us like slaves in zero gravity?
BUZZER
Keep workin'! No shirkin'!
DUSTY
Maybe Cobra's got bigger fish to French fry, and maybe this gear's part of their plan.
FATAL FLUFFY
Work! No talking!
DUSTY
Right, handsome! We love to work. As a matter of fact, I even wrote a song about it.
DUSTY (singing)
When you slave for a Cobra, sure is neat
To do your work to a boogie-woogie beat.
Just let your feet tap and move while the prisoners groove
With a "bodio-dodio-reet."
FATAL FLUFFY
Work!
MUTT
All right, already.
DUSTY
We've got to get into the control room and find out what's goin' on here, and then get word back to Earth.
MUTT
Lotsa luck. First you gotta get past those scuzzy fuzzies. Then there's those knuckle-headed Dreadnoks. Even ol' Junkyard would have trouble slippin' through all this security.
DUSTY
I didn't say it'd be easy, Mutt. Wait a minute, I got an idea.
MUTT
What is it?
DUSTY
Shh. Look: the gravity lever.
MUTT
Yeah, so?
DUSTY
So, what if gravity suddenly "falls in" on us, and I mean falls?
MUTT
Yeah, of course. Let me warn the others.
DUSTY
Give me two minutes, then throw the lever back to zero G.
MUTT
Okay. Get crazy.
DUSTY
No more! No more!
FATAL FLUFFY
Get back to work!
DUSTY
I can't take it no more! I need gravity!
TORCH
Gravity!
TORCH
Stop the prisoner! He's escapin'!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - ACCESS TUNNELS
RIPPER
There he is! He's headin' for the control room!
TORCH
Quick! Get him!
DUSTY
I hope Mutt's timin' is perfect.
BUZZER
He's gone crackers!
DUSTY
Yo Joe!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - OPEN AREA
MUTT
Hey, lighten up, you guys.
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - ACCESS TUNNELS
DUSTY
Good ol' Mutt.
TORCH
He's reached the control room level! C'mon! We'll go down the utility ramp!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - OPEN AREA
FATAL FLUFFY
Get back to work!
MUTT
Yes, sir.
FATAL FLUFFY
No!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - UTILITY RAMP
BUZZER
Gravity? Again?
TORCH
Look out below!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
The Pyramid of Darkness is nearing completion, Zartan. Two more parties have left with the control cubes.
DUSTY
Mercy! Have pity on me!
DUKE
Dusty!
DUSTY
Let me rest in gravity!
ZARTAN
Seize the prisoner.
DUKE
You miserable slave driver!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - UTILITY RAMP
TORCH
Can't stop! Stand aside!
BUZZER
Look out!
ZARTAN
That should be enough gravity to satisfy you for quite a while.
DUSTY
Cobra must be up to somethin' big.
ZARTAN
Take the prisoner and your wretched selves out of here at once!
DUSTY
Duke, are you okay?
DUKE
Dusty, get a message back to....
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND - DAY
DESTRO (O.C.)
Carefully. You must not damage the cube.
DESTRO
Horizontal alignment has been verified. Commence implantation. Three point zero nine minutes down on vertical axis. Slowly, slowly...
DESTRO
Sander.
DESTRO
Maintain cube position!
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Let's put one cube down the tube!
DESTRO
Nothing must interfere with cube placement! Cobra!
FLINT
All right, we'll just have to go in from the side door.
DESTRO
Cobra! Prepare for ground attack!
FLINT AND LADY JAYE
Yo Joe!
FLINT
Hit the dirt!
FLINT
Pink is your color.
LADY JAYE
Don't laugh, you bum.
FLINT
I don't know what that cube does, but we've got to take it apart before it does it.
INT. CUBE FACTORY
SHIPWRECK
I'm not crazy about the way things are goin', Snake-Eyes. This factory's turnin' out cubes faster than we can figure out what to do.
INTERCOM
Attention. Attention. A message from our glorious leader, Cobra Commander.
POLLY
Up his nose with a fire hose!
SHIPWRECK
Shh.
COBRA COMMANDER
I am pleased with your rapid production of the control cubes. The fourth and final cube must be finished at once, so we do not lose the strategic advantage to our enemy, G. I. Joe! Now back to work, and victory. Cobra!
SNAKELINGS
Cobra!
SHIPWRECK
We gotta scoop the story on those cubes and get travellin'.
INT. CUBE FACTORY - HALLWAY
SHIPWRECK
Hold it. The chief engineer's office. We've hit pay dirt. This'll take a little finesse.
POLLY
Finesse, yeah, finesse!
SHIPWRECK
Batten down your bilge, Polly. We've got work to do.
SHIPWRECK
Bingo. That laser disc programs the assembly line. Everything Headquarters needs to know about those cubes is on this.
COBRA OFFICER [Frank Welker]
Okay, turn around!
SHIPWRECK
Good goin', Timber! Okay, okay, you too, Polly. And speakin' o' goin', we're gone.
EXT. SPACE - SPACE STATION DELTA
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - OPEN AREA
BUZZER
Work!
MUTT
I don't know, Dusty. I mean, the fact you used to repair refrigerators doesn't make you an electronics expert.
DUSTY
I'm not sayin' I'm an expert. But I know enough to put this circuit jumper across those communications cables.
MUTT
And then anything Zartan picks up on his monitor will be broadcast out on Joe frequency?
DUSTY
That's the idea, but first we need a diversion.
MUTT
I hope this cable has enough voltage.
DUSTY
I'm sure it'll spark some interest.
FATAL FLUFFY
Hey! You bad!
MUTT
They're as dumb as they are ugly!
FATAL FLUFFIES (repeatedly)
WORK!, NO!, ROAR!, etc.
TORCH
Hey there! Get back to your posts! Come on! Let go!
MUTT
Okay Dusty, do your stuff.
FATAL FLUFFY
Prisoners! Now you pay!
FATAL FLUFFY
You shall pay!
DUSTY
He won't even remember his name after that jolt.
MUTT
That's really gonna do it?
DUSTY
You bet, uh, probably. I hope.
EXT. SPACE - SPACE STATION DELTA
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
The Crimson Twins will soon reach the City of the Dead without interference from G. I. Joe. The cube will soon be in place.
EXT. USS FLAGG - DA
AIRTIGHT (O.C.)
I'm pickin' up somethin' on Joe frequency. It could be from Space Station Delta.
COBRA COMMANDER
Major Bludd is on schedule for the Mountain of Glass, Zartan. There remains but one last link to complete my master plan!
ROADBLOCK
Cobra's got the Delta station. They're plantin' cubes throughout creation. If we don't start retaliation, we're sunk, and that's no bunk!
ADM. LEDGER
Hold on, crew! Roadblock said retaliation, didn't he?
JOES AND CREW
Yeah!
ADM. LEDGER
Well, that's just what we're gonna do! Retaliate!
JOES AND CREW
Yo Joe!
EXT. USS FLAGG - DECK
INT. CARGO PLANE - COCKPIT
AIRTIGHT
You know, Footloose, I think Adm. Ledger showed exceptional judgment in assigning us to head this cube-chasing detachment. You and I are a uniquely capable combination, don't you think?
FOOTLOOSE
Like, makes no never mind to me, Airtight. I'll just mellow out until we hit the City of the Dead.
AIRTIGHT
I'm gonna use this time to double-check my computations on fuel consumption.... Nine point two times five point oh...
ROADBLOCK
You, button your lip and fly this ship, and you, on your toes or I'll mash your nose! You two dingbats never headed a mission before. Well, that's why Adm. Ledger put me in charge. So shape up now, or this goes pow.
AIRTIGHT
Uh, right, Roadblock!
FOOTLOOSE
Y-yes, sir! Right away sir!
AIRTIGHT
We're on our way!
EXT. USS FLAGG
ALPINE
Major Bludd's heading for that charming, frozen confection, that jagged, iced peak called the Mountain of Glass, and we're gonna climb it, Bazook, hand over hand, dangling in space, thousands of feet in the air. Ain't that excitin'?
BAZOOKA
No. Sickenin'.
ALPINE
Why you say that?
BAZOOKA
Fallin'.
ALPINE
Oh, well don't worry. We won't do that part.
INT. CUBE FACTORY - MINESHAFT
SHIPWRECK
This thing's got auxilliary power, but we can't risk the noise until we're farther out.
POLLY
See, saw, Marjorie Daw, Jack will have a new master. And Shipwreck will have a Charlie horse!
SHIPWRECK
Keep it up, Polly, and I'll turn you into a hood ornament!
SHIPWRECK
Timber, help Snake-Eyes pump while I start the engine.
POLLY
Pump! Pump! Put your paws into it!
SHIPWRECK
It won't catch! Come on, you rust covered barnacle!
SHIPWRECK
Thanks, Timber. I owe you a big one.
COBRA OFFICER [Chris Latta]
They can't outrun our Track Reptiles! Take Route F and intercept 'em at Junction Seven!
COBRA OFFICERS
Cobra!
POLLY
Pump iron! Pump iron!
COBRA OFFICER
Ten thousand gold fang shillings to the trooper who brings them in!
SHIPWRECK
Faster, Snake-Eyes, faster!
POLLY
No visitors!
COBRA OFFICER
Cobra!
SHIPWRECK
You antique, metal meatball!
COBRA OFFICER
Run them down! Increase thrust!
SHIPWRECK
Switch ahead! Time to part company, Snake-Eyes!
SHIPWRECK
All right, we did it! We're finally out of...
POLLY
Danger! Save Polly!
SHIPWRECK
Get ready for a little roller coaster ride!
POLLY
One down, one to go!
SHIPWRECK
Hit the brakes!
SHIPWRECK
Let's get outta here. I've been underground so long, I feel like a toadstool.
INT. ENTERPRISE CITY - SUBWAY STATION
SHIPWRECK
Let's stash these uniforms where they belong.
EXT. ENTERPRISE CITY - NIGHT
SHIPWRECK
Great. We just went from the sewer up to the toilet.
COL. SLASH [Bill Morey?]
I have them. They're moving into the civilian sector.
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND - DUSK
DESTRO
Maintain fire until cube placement has been verified! Point five seven zero, vertical, mark!
