Maintain cover fire. The control cube will soon be locked into position. Then no force on earth can dislodge it.
WILD BILL
What we got here is a semi-standoff. Only Destro can do what he wants, and we can't do diddly! We can't even get to Flint and Lady Jaye. And if that mud doesn't boil 'em, they'll surely and purely drown!
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND - MUD PIT
FLINT
It's...it's good to breathe again--even if the quarters are a little cramped.
LADY JAYE
I don't know. I think it's rather cozy.
FLINT
So...where do we go from here. Uh, not us personally, I mean the mission.
LADY JAYE
Why, to the top, naturally.
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND - DUSK
COBRA
The cube is in place, Destro!
DESTRO
Magnificent.
FLINT
Destro's still at it, but this time, we might have a shot.
INT. ENTERPRISE CITY - PRE-DAWN
POLLY
Polly want a taxi! Get Polly outta here!
SHIPWRECK
I'm not exactly lovin' this either, your beakship. But we don't have a lot of options.
SHIPWRECK
That looks like a nice place to get somethin' to eat, like maybe a broken leg o' lamb.
INT. SNAKE CLUB
SHIPWRECK
Nice quiet place!
SHIPWRECK
Whaddya mean reservation? This ain't no hotel!
DOORKEEPER
Okay, forget that. But I ain't seein' nobody with no parrot and no dog.
SHIPWRECK
Uh,...what parrot? What dog?
DOORKEEPER
Yeah, well I don't see no bird no more, but I still see a dog.
DOORKEEPER
Funny, that little doggie just disappeared! Take any table you want.
SHIPWRECK
Thanks, chump.
EMCEE (on speakers)
And now, the Snake Cafe is proud to present,...
COL. SLASH [Bill Morey?]
Spread out!
EMCEE (on speakers)
...the scintillatin' star, the one, the only...Satin!
SATIN [Ketty Lester] (singing)
The Cobra that got away changed my life one rainy day.
On our first rendezvous, we held hands and I heard him say,
"If you want a romance from me, you're barking up the wrong tree,"
COL. SLASH
As soon as the song ends, grab him.
SATIN (CONT.)
"'Cause Destro has the first call on my life, time, and all.
When he shouts, 'Cobra fight,' I war by day, go by night.
Goodbye, miss, I've got to say." The Cobra that got away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
POLLY (with squawking)
The Cobra that got away!
SATIN
The Cobra that got away went bye-bye, no more to say.
He stuck me with the bill, but I think of him still....
COL. SLASH
Now!
SATIN
They're coming for you. Stick close to me.
COL. SLASH
The music won't play forever. When it's finished, so are they.
SHIPWRECK
This is no time to be shy, Snake. Move those feet!
SATIN
Unbelievable. Go, baby, go!
COL. SLASH
C'mon, come on!
EXT. HIDDEN COBRA BASE
INT. COBRA BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
I assigned placement of the first control cube to you, Destro, because I expected you to be quick about it, but all I've received are excuses!
DESTRO
No longer, my esteemed Cobra Commander. The cube is locked into position.
COBRA COMMANDER
Watch out behind you!
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND - DUSK
LADY JAYE
Here's some loose ends to tie you up, Destro!
FLINT
This mine should do the trick.
DESTRO
You must forgive me for being an ungratious host, but the control cube will entertain you in my absence. Cobra!
JOES
Yo Joe!
LADY JAYE
All right! Here comes the cavalry!
INT. SNAKE CLUB
COL. SLASH
Take 'em!
SATIN
One more time!
SATIN
Let's get outta here!
COL. SLASH
After them!
COBRAS
Hey!, What's goin' on?, I can't see!, etc.
COL. SLASH
There! Up there!
DANCER
Don't get fresh with me, ya bum!
COL. SLASH
Cover the exits and the basement! They must be here somewhere!
POLLY
All the world's a stage! --William Shakespeare!
SHIPWRECK
Can it, bird brain. --Shipwreck Delgado.
COL. SLASH
Over there!
SATIN
In here!
SATIN
Okay. Now comes the hard part: you're gonna have to trust me.
EXT. CITY OF THE DEAD - DAY
INT. CITY OF THE DEAD
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Behold, the ancient guardians of the City of the Dead. (X) We must not awaken them from their eternal slumber. (T and X) We'll let the Joes do that for us.
CRIMSON GUARD
G. I. Joe? But they're ignorant of our movements.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Not anymore. They're right behind us. (X) So take cover, (T and X) and await events.
ROADBLOCK
Yo Joe, and here we go. This place looks weird, and that's a fact. What are you gettin', Airtight?
AIRTIGHT
Radioactive and metallic interference from mineral deposits make it impossible to tell if Cobra's already here or on the way.
ROADBLOCK
Well, we can't just sit down and send out for pizza. If that cube's here, we gotta find it. Yo Joe.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) The Joes have unwittingly activated (X) the ancient guardians. (T) And when they've destroyed G. I. Joe, (X) we shall plant our cube (T and X) and be gone.
EXT. MOUNTAIN OF GLASS - DAY
MAJ. BLUDD
Align the control cube and raise it into position! Two five five point seven, vertical, mark!
MAJ. BLUDD
Excellent! Now secure it swiftly!
ALPINE
Look, up there! One of the Cobra cubes! But how are we gonna get up there before Maj. Bludd rains on our parade?
BAZOOKA
Strategy?
ALPINE
Now you're talkin', Bazook. I may even quote you in my memoirs.
ALPINE
Let's send the guys up this way. Then you and I can climb up the cliff face of this mountain and take 'em from behind. Uh-oh.
MAJ. BLUDD
It's the Joes! We must not let them interfere with our work! Cobra!
ALPINE
Of course, your burning question is, how can our guys get up that ice wall. Correct?
BAZOOKA
Right.
ALPINE
Brilliant analysis. Fortunately, I happen to have a brilliant solution.
BAZOOKA
Yodel?
ALPINE
You got it. A good ol' Alpine yodel. (Yodels) Oh, yeah.
ALPINE AND BAZOOKA
Yo Joe!
ALPINE
Take 'em over the crevasse, Tollbooth. Bazooka and I will rendezvous with you from the other side!
TOLLBOOTH
Piece o' cake for the Bridgelayer.
MAJ. BLUDD
Defend the cube at all costs! Cobra!
ALPINE
Now it's up to us. Let's give Major Bludd a nasty surprise.
ALPINE
[Inuit phrase?] and Go, man, go!
ALPINE
Fantastic view, eh, Bazook?
BAZOOKA
Fan...tastic.
INT. COBRA CLUB - DRESSING ROOMS
COL. SLASH
Out of my way. Stand back! They've got to be hiding here somewhere.
INT. COBRA CLUB - SATIN'S DRESSING ROOM
COL. SLASH
All right, where are they?
SATIN
A gentleman would knock before entering a lady's dressing room.
COL. SLASH
Cool it, sister. Where are those guys you were dancing with?
SATIN
How should I know, you maxi-jerk? I have a hard enough time entertaining this sleaze-bag audience without having to answer a buncha stupid questions from the likes of you!
COL. SLASH
But, but, we think those men are agents of G. I. Joe.
SATIN
Then go catch 'em, ya clutz. Now get outta here, or I'll report you to my biggest fan. He buys all my records.
COL. SLASH
Uh, uh, a thousand apologies, Miss Satin. Please say hello to the Cobra Commander next time he's in to see the show. Um, tell him Colonel Slash sends his regards.
SATIN
Get out, Slush!
COL. SLASH
That's Slash!
SATIN
Get out!
COL. SLASH
Thank you!
SATIN
Okay. You guys can come out now.
POLLY
There's no biz like show biz.
SATIN
Now all we've got to do is get out of here before our friends get suspicious and come back.
SHIPWRECK
Look, I don't wanna seem ungrateful, but why are you so good to us? And don't tell me we remind you of your family.
SATIN
Let's just say I have a soft spot in my head for weirdos. Hold on a second.
SATIN
Here, get into these, fast. And no arguments.
SHIPWRECK
You heard the lady, Snake-Eyes. Here, you take the dress.
EXT. MOUNTAIN OF GLASS
MAJ. BLUDD
Keep them pinned down! The control cube is nearly in position! Final alignment coordinates, seven five point nine, vertical, mark!
ALPINE
Careful where you plant your big feet, Bazooka.
ALPINE AND BAZOOKA
Whoa!
MAJ. BLUDD
What? Up there! More Joes!
ALPINE
We gotta go for it now. Yo Joe!
INT. CITY OF THE DEAD
AIRTIGHT
I don't want to seem primitive or superstitous, but I have this disturbing feeling that...
FOOTLOOSE
Tell me, dude. Like, it's like when you're surfin' and you just know this killer wave is sneakin' up behind you, ready to wipe you out.
ROADBLOCK
You guys are gettin' on my nerves with all that fear talk. Nothin' to be afraid of....
ROADBLOCK
Let's lay these ceramic suckers out!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Now that the Joes are preoccupied, (X) we are free to position our control cube (T and X) without interference.
TOMAX
Coordinates nine seven five point six, vertical, mark! ... Xamot!
XAMOT
Tomax!
ROADBLOCK
We're in big trouble!
AIRTIGHT
What do we do?
FOOTLOOSE
Yeah, like, what?
ROADBLOCK
This way!
ROADBLOCK
Two points!
AIRTIGHT
Roadblock! Footloose! Now we got double trouble!
ROADBLOCK
Well, we're just gonna have to take 'em one at a time.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Tomax, watch out! (T) It's the Joes!
ROADBLOCK
Strike!
TOMAX
Xamot, activate the control cube before it's too late!
XAMOT
Right!
TOMAX
I'll handle this buffoon....
AIRTIGHT
Hey, check that out! Each twin feels what happens to the other!
XAMOT
You may have one of us, but you have lost!
ROADBLOCK
What's happenin'
AIRTIGHT
He energized the cube!
EXT. SPACE - SPACE STATION DELTA
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - OPEN AREA
MUTT
What's goin' on, Dusty? This place is vibratin' like a fifty dollar milkshake?
DUSTY
And they like it, so it can't be good.
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - CONTROL ROOM
ZARTAN
Savor this moment, Duke. It marks the beginning of your end.
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - OPEN AREA
DUSTY
It's completin' the cube energy circuit!
EXT. SPACE - SPACE STATION DELTA
ROADBLOCK
A beam of darkness! Get back!
XAMOT
I shall return for you, brother Tomax! Have no fear!
ROADBLOCK
Form a unit to babysit the cube. We got this sucker. I'm afraid that he's all we got left to trade.
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND
LADY JAYE
There must be a way to escape! We've got to...huh?
LADY JAYE
The cube's going crazy!
INT. SPACE STATION DELTA - CONTROL ROOM
EXT. SPACE - SPACE STATION DELTA
EXT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND
FLINT
Everybody get back!
EXT. MOUNTAIN OF GLASS
MAJ. BLUDD
Hold them off while I make the final adjustments!
TOLLBOOTH
Keep hammerin' at 'em! We've got to get to that cube before we can start diggin' for Alpine and Bazooka!
ALPINE
Man, now I know how a frozen pizza feels. Hey, you hear me, Bazook?
BAZOOKA
Barely.
ALPINE
Well, stop playin' groundhog, buddy. We got a mission to complete.
BAZOOKA
Ouch.
ALPINE
What's the matter, good buddy?
BAZOOKA
Leg hurts.
ALPINE
When you stand or when you move?
BAZOOKA
Both.
ALPINE
Well, then you'll just have to use the Alpine Taxi Service. Come on, get on my back.
STORM SHADOW
So, our enemies survived the avalanche. We must now ensure an end to their good fortune.
SNOW SERPENT
As you command, Storm Shadow.
EXT. RIVER NEAR MOUNTAIN OF GLASS
ALPINE
Looks like we got off course. The cube and our guys must be back the other way.
STORM SHADOW
The elements shall see to your destiny, G. I. Joe! The cold of the icy sea will be far kinder to you than Cobra. Farewell!
ALPINE
If those waves hit us, we'll be frozen before you can say TV Dinner!
BAZOOKA
Uh-oh, leopard seals!
ALPINE
If you're gonna get talky on me, I wish you'd find something good to report. Oh no, my weapon froze!
ALPINE
Forget TV Dinners! Let's make a sincere attempt not to be these critters' main course!
