The blueprints, the blueprints! If Cobra's going to make more of these devices, we must have the blueprints!
RIPPER
All right, already. I've got the bloody blueprints!
BUZZER
And I've got the matter transmuter.
ZARTAN
Then we're on our way.
INT. LAB - SECURITY OFFICE
SECURITY GUARD [Michael Bell]
The matter transmuter is gone!
EXT. GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE - NIGHT
ZARTAN
Can't you get any speed out of this thing? We'll split up and rendezvous at the redwood base.
EXT. REDWOOD FOREST - COBRA BASE
ZARTAN (V.O.)
And you can account to Cobra Commander for the delay!
COBRA COMMANDER (O.C.)
Yes, Destro. Get on with it.
DESTRO (O.C.)
This stolen videotape, Commander, was prepared by the transmuter ray's inventors to demonstrate its abilities.
INT. REDWOOD BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh. The ray can change the molecular structure of anything it touches?
DESTRO
Precisely. Now imagine a weapon based on matter transmutation. Imagine vaults or fortresses turned to, let us say, tissue paper.
COBRA COMMANDER
I've got the idea. What I haven't got is this transmuter.
DESTRO
Patience, Commander, please. If I may remind your excellency, it was your choice to entrust the procurement of the device to Zartan.
COBRA COMMANDER
Of course I gave the job to Zartan. He's much more qualified than you in this area.
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh yes, one more thing, Destro. If I were you, I'd watch that attitude!
EXT. RIVERSIDE
STEELER
Zartan? Nope. Ain't seen hide nor hair of him. We're freezin' our toesies out here for nothin'. I'm tellin' you, Lady Jaye, bein' a G. I. Joe is ruinin' my life. I don't have time for nothin' else. Why do you think I ain't got a girlfriend no more? She got sick of worryin' about me all the time, that's why.
CLUTCH
Oh, put a sock in it already, will you, Steeler?
LADY JAYE
Yeah, motion seconded. We've all had to make sacrifices to....
STEELER
Yeah, I know. But I still say this one's a wild goose chase....
STEELER
Hey, bogeys comin' up fast!
ZARTAN
I know you want these plans, Flint, but take this instead!
FLINT
Terrible shooting, Zartan!
ZARTAN
What's the matter, old Flint, up a tree are you?
FLINT
Laugh this off, happy boy!
RIPPER
There he goes! We'd best move it, mates!
CLUTCH
Did you see that?
LADY JAYE
Swing into Plan A, Steeler!
STEELER
Check, Lady Jaye!
LADY JAYE
Hang onto your teeth, boys!
LADY JAYE
Zartan dropped the plans!
GRUNT
I got it! I got it! I....
CLUTCH
Got 'em!
STEELER
Hold it right there, Zartan. I reckon I got you outgunned.
ZARTAN
Never!
STEELER
A second slower, I'da been vapors!
INT. REDWOOD BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
No!
DESTRO
Yes! Your "master thief" has led G. I. Joe to our very door. Retreat is our only option.
EXT. REDWOOD FOREST - COBRA BASE
FLINT
A rocket! A camouflaged rocket!
STEELER
We can tell our grandkids about that, Flint...if we live to have any.
EXT. WHALE - DAY
INT. WHALE
FOOTLOOSE
I don't get it, Airtight. How come Headquarters thinks Cobra'll try to get these transmuter blueprints again?
STEELER
Who cares?
CLUTCH
What's eatin' you?
STEELER
Ah, I'm quittin' G. I. Joe.
CLUTCH
Hey, you had a close shave. You're just spooked is all. You'll get over it.
STEELER
Uh-uh. I've had it. Nothin' ever changes. Cobra hits us, we hit them, over and over.
BARBECUE
Ayup. Sometimes it does seem like there's nary an end in sight.
STEELER
Then what's the point? If the battle's never gonna be won by either side, why bother fightin' it?
BARBECUE
Whoa now, fella. I never said....
CUTTER
Ready you guys? We're nearing the rendezvous point with Flint and Lady Jaye.
EXT. TRAIN - DAY
FLINT
Very clever, Dr. Renault.
LADY JAYE
From the outside, an ordinary train car.
DR. RENAULT
And inside, titanium armor plating, to safeguard my transmuter research team while they carry on their work.
GEN. WAGSTAFF
This, uh, mobile lab complex should provide adequate protection against Cobra.
DR. RENAULT
Our military liaison, General Wagstaff.
FLINT AND LADY JAYE
General.
DR. RENAULT
And now, if I may have the blueprints?
FLINT
Wait. We don't have them. The rest of our team will turn them over to you at the rendezvous point.
LADY JAYE
You're supposed to know that.
ZARTAN
Freeze! This is as far as you go, Joes!
BARONESS
Your new destination will be...oblivion!
ZARTAN
Let us get rid of them!
BARONESS
So long, Lady Jaye! It's time for you to detrain!
FLINT
Lady...ah!
EXT. TRAIN TRESTLE - DAY
BARBECUE
Hang on up there! We're a-comin'!
FLINT
Cobra's kidnapped Dr. Renault and General Wagstaff! Go back and see if you can find them, Cutter!
COPPERHEAD
Well, well, what have we here?
COPPERHEAD
Give me those blueprints!
STEELER
No way!
EXT. DESERT - DAY
LADY JAYE
Oh, what happened?
STEELER
That...that transmuter gizmo went off and...I, I guess we were knocked out.
GRUNT
Hey, what happened to the Cobras?
AIRTIGHT
And where'd the train go?
CLUTCH
Never mind that, where's the forest, or the river?
FLINT
It...it resembles where we were, at least structurally.
LADY JAYE
What does that mean?
FLINT
See this chasm? That's where the river was before.
AIRTIGHT
And that limestone bridge is where the trestle used to be.
FLINT
We're in the same place, but it's been altered by the transmuter.
LADY JAYE
Then how long were we unconscious? Seconds? Minutes? Hours?
STEELER
I don't know. But I'm gettin' the feelin' there's somethin' even weirder about all this. Ow!
STEELER
Yuck. Don't look like nothin' on earth I've ever seen. Hey, fellas, take a look at....
FLINT
Sounds like the buzzards have company.
FOOTLOOSE
Whatever they are, they're circlin'. Can't get a good like at 'em, though. The sun's too bright.
FLINT
Take cover!
GRUNT
Cover? Like where, a gopher hole?
GRUNT
Sun's so bright!
CLUTCH
Clutch to Joe Headquarters! Come in, Headquarters! Come in!
CLUTCH
Nothin'! All I get is static!
FLINT
Worry about it later, after we shake that CLAW!
FLINT
Looks like we're home free! Come on!
INT. CAVE
BARBECUE
I thought he'd never leave.
FOOTLOOSE
Check this out, guys. Looks like our motor pool after a tornado.
LADY JAYE
What do you suppose all this means, Flint?
FLINT
Who knows? Right now all I care about is that AWE Striker. How's it look, Footloose?
FOOTLOOSE
You're not gonna believe this, Flint, but whoever left her here, left the keys, too.
JOES
Yo Joe!
FOOTLOOSE
Where to, sports?
EXT. DESERT ROAD - NIGHT
LADY JAYE
We've got to find out exactly where we are and what's going on.
FLINT
Yeah, but in the meantime we should call as little attention to ourselves as possible.
FOOTLOOSE
Yeah, right. Be really inconspicuous.
FOOTLOOSE
The engine's dead.
LADY JAYE
Oh, swell. Can anything else go wrong?
FLINT
Wait, look! We're not completely out of luck.
INT. BARGAIN STORE
FOOTLOOSE
Hey Flint, look! Just what we need, transportation!
FLINT
We don't have any choice. Okay, pops. We'll take eight of those bikes.
BARBECUE
Say, old timer, about that barren stretch over yonder....
MARTHA
That's a proving ground, young man.
HERB [Chris Latta?]
Oh, yeah. Government tests its weapons there.
STEELER
Weapons? What kind of weapons?
HERB
Oh, everything from new strains of bacteria to the Weather Dominator, I reckon.
STEELER
The Weather Dom?
LADY JAYE
Well that explains that pink whatzit that stung you.
HERB
You just stand right there, sonny. Look straight ahead, stand still while we scan you.
SCANNER
Transaction approved. Subject's retinal scan matches no known dissident, subversive, or enemy of state on file. Have a nice day.
MARTHA
Oh, Herb, they look like good risks. Anyway, to answer your question, there was a rumor that the resistance movement had its headquarters out at the provin' grounds, and that when G. I. Joe went underground, they hid out there.
FLINT
Uh, thank you. Yeah, uh, thank you for your help.
HERB
Martha, you talk to much!
EXT. BARGAIN STORE - NIGHT
HERB
Hey, come back here! This money ain't no good! It's US dollars, absolutely worthless!
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
GRUNT
You know, I've been thinkin'. Maybe we were out more than a few hours, guys. More like years. I mean, resistance movement? Underground? Those old folks made it sound like snake breath beat the tar out of Joe and took over a long time ago.
CLUTCH
Come on!
GRUNT
Go ahead, laugh. But Uncle Sam doesn't have a Weather Dominator, remember? That's one of Destro's inventions.
LADY JAYE
Come on, Headquarters is the only place we'll get answers we can trust.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
LADY JAYE
I can't believe this!
CLUTCH
Kinda explains why nobody answered, doesn't it?
FLINT
Oh, no. It can't be. "Permanently closed by order of Cobra Commander." Then it's true. Somehow we did a Rip Van Winkle.
LADY JAYE
And while we were asleep, G. I. Joe was defeated by Cobra.
STEELER
And I wondered what difference it'd make if Cobra won or lost.
FLINT
You may find out, in the worst possible way, unless we get our base back.
TELE-VIPER
Fire!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS
LADY JAYE
Breaks my heart. I don't recognize the place.
FLINT
We've got our work cut out for us. But first let's get these snakes into the brig.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - BRIG
GRUNT
Well, we got the generators goin'. And now that we've got power to the computers, we know why couldn't contact the other Joes. Our communications satellite ain't in orbit no more.
FLINT
Then we can't reach the ones that went underground?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
GRUNT
Flint, I think we may be the only ones left. Take a look.
CLUTCH
I called up the duty roster on the records computer. Of roughly fifty active Joes, all but six are listed as missing in action.
LADY JAYE
And of those six, three were lost.
GRUNT
Casualties of the last war against Cobra.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
CLUTCH
Hanrahan, Timothy P. Code name, Blowtorch. Hauser, Conrad S. Code name, Duke. Katzenbogen, David L. Code name, Bazooka. Kibbey, Albert L. Code name, Breaker.
AIRTIGHT
How can this be?
STEELER
I can't take it. I just can't. Dusty, Alpine, Bazooka...I'm never gonna see 'em again!
CLUTCH
How? Why?
FLINT
One way or another, we're gonna get the answers.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MOTOR POOL
FLINT
I don't know. They've been gatherin' dust a long time.
CLUTCH
Hey, Flint, we got us some air power, too!
FLINT
Whaddya mean, "too"?
CLUTCH
Aw, maybe they're a little rusty, but I think we can get 'em airborne.
FLINT
Well, what about the ground transports?
GRUNT
Usable, I think, as long as we disguise 'em with a coat of paint.
FLINT
Then let's get crackin'. Grunt, you look after Steeler and try to get the computers running again. The rest of us'll do a little reconnaissance.
EXT. CALIFORNIA CITY - NIGHT
FLINT
This town seems familiar, but I can't see enough to be sure.
BARBECUE
Least they didn't toss the evenin' papers.
AIRTIGHT
"Cobra Commander to deliver State of the Empire Address tonight"? What in the....
AIRTIGHT
The police!
FLINT
Somehow I doubt they just want to give us a ticket.
FLINT
The Dreadnoks have become cops?
AIRTIGHT
I guess law enforcement ain't what it used to be.
FLINT
Gentlemen, I'm glad you're keeping your sense of humor.
RIPPER
Surrender at once! Come out with your hands up! We repeat, come out with your 'ands up!
BUZZER
The bleeders! Makin' a break for it they is!
TORCH
After them!
EXT. SOUTH DAKOTA - SKY
LADY JAYE
Fellas, we could fly over this countryside for days and still not learn a thing!
FOOTLOOSE
Probably 'cause we're goin' about this all wrong, Lady Jaye.
CLUTCH
Yeah, now if we had an eye in the sky....
FOOTLOOSE
A what?
CLUTCH
You'll see.
LADY JAYE
Clutch, Footloose, twelve o'clock low! Take a look!
LADY JAYE
That...that looks like the Mount Rushmore memorial!
FOOTLOOSE
Oh, my gosh, they've changed it!
CLUTCH
Clutch to Lady Jaye, I found what I was lookin' for--a weather satellite. I've tapped into its cameras. I can patch your communications and visual monitors into what I'm pickin' up.
LADY JAYE
The Lincoln Memorial's become a Cobra Commander Memorial?
CLUTCH (COMM.)
Yeah, and it looks like the United Nations has become one nation...under Cobra!
LADY JAYE
Cobra has conquered the world!
EXT. CALIFORNIA CITY - NIGHT
BARBECUE
I still can't believe any of this. Changes like these must've taken years to make!
FLINT
I guess they lost interest!
BARBECUE
Hello! The date on this paper--it's the same as when we got blitzed by that transmuter, which means our lights couldn't've been out for long.
AIRTIGHT
But...if we're not in the future, where are we?
FLINT
If not another time, then another place. Another world, another...uh-oh. Bail out!
FLINT
Anything damaged?
BARBECUE
No, nothin'. Except maybe the retail value of those cycles.
BUZZER
Freeze, mates! We'll ventilate your ugly 'eads!
TORCH
Bet you didn't figure Cobra had the ol' Headquarters bugged, now did you?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
GRUNT
Steeler, would you hand me that circuit board?
STEELER
Not alive! We're not alive! Can't be!
STEELER
No, we musta died in that explosion! And now we've gone to the devil!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT
LEILA
Mistress, it's him, the one you call Steeler. I'm positive.
BARONESS
Excellent.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - NIGHT
CLUTCH
Get a load of this!
LADY JAYE
No, Clutch. That's not New York, not the one we know, anyway. And that's not our Washington below us, either. I don't even think we're on the earth we know. I think when the transmuter exploded, it didn't change our environment. It blasted open a gateway into a parallel world and hurled us into it.
CLUTCH
A what?
LADY JAYE
Another dimension or something where some things are identical to ours, but others, such as Cobra's world domination, are very different.
